Castling after having earlier moved your king.
Moving a pawn two spaces forward from any line but the second.
Flipping the board around while your opponent isn’t looking.
declare a check.
Capturing your opponent’s piece with a piece that is pinned.
Capturing your opponent with a piece that is unregistered.
a piece of the opposite color.
Hollowing out a rook and using it as a crack pipe.
Sharpening a bishop and stabbing your opponent in the left (or right) eye.
Losing your tournament, but then later stealing the trophy from your opponent.
Touching a piece and then moving a different piece.
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Daniel Galef has written light verse, heavy verse, sketch comedy, prose fiction, comic strips, death threats, one short-lived scientific advice column, and just about everything else for a hundred different venues in a half-dozen countries. His latest musical play, “The Original,” is currently running at the Montreal Players’ Theatre.