“The Netflix Phantom”: The gang discovers that one too many family members are using their shared Netflix account at a time, foiling their movie night! But just as Fred gets out his credit card to add more people to the viewing plan, the gang realizes that if they’re all in the room together…who could be the culprit using the account? And is this phantom really watching Adam Sandler’s Murder Mystery when the new season of Stranger Things is available? Like, zoinks, man! The Phantom’s taste in movies is almost scarier than the Gang nearly finding out spoilers online!
“The Fake News Fright”: A mysterious article pops up on Facebook, claiming vaccines are dangerous. Shaggy’s already shared it three times, ruh-roh! Velma hurries to find some informative Vox videos, but it’s too late: A hot take by anti-vaxxer Donna B. (an account with a turtle in a party hat as a profile picture) is up to seventeen likes and counting. Can the Gang stop the spread of false information in time to save herd immunity? Or will a villain from behind the mask of a computer screen cause widespread disease in America? And how in the world is Scooby the top commenter on the Food Network Facebook page when his paws are far too big for the keyboard?
“The Detox Tea Drama”: When Daphne’s Instagram account (33K followers as of this morning, thank you very much!), publishes some problematic ads for a Detox Diet Tea company, Fred optimistically buys thousands of dollars worth in hopes of bulking up at the gym. But to his surprise (and only his surprise, if we’re being honest), the supplement has no effect. Now the gang has to prevent Daphne from being cancelled and develop some brilliant PR strategy for her brand, all while exposing the fraudulent Detox Tea company. Meanwhile, Scooby and Shaggy eat a comically large sandwich as hungry, cardio-strong gym patrons engage them in a long-winded chase sequence that continues even through commercial breaks!
“The Haunted Air BnB”: It’s a Sherlock crossover episode this week as the Gang heads across the pond for a star-studded Saturday morning special! Fresh off the plane, Velma beelines to a local pub to get wifi on her smartphone, while Fred and Daphne stumble upon a string of haunted AirBnBs being investigated by none other than British national icon Sherlock Holmes. Will Fred overcome his jealousy and be able to work with Sherlock, despite seeing this chiseled, animated version of Benedict Cumberbatch shamelessly flirt with Daphne? Are the ghosts in the AirBnB paying customers, or simply squatters claiming housing rights? Seriously, how is AirBnB even legal with the limited amount of protections in place for both consumers and hosts?
Meanwhile at the pub, Velma does a few quick Google searches and pieces together the identity of Banksy almost immediately, whom she promptly invites out for a pint and a discussion on social protest through art. And Scooby and Shaggy, of course, angrily learn that Yorkshire pudding isn’t real pudding at all!
“The Mystery of Malaysian flight 370”: As the Gang’s successes begin to stack up, media pressure pushes them to take on one of the biggest mysteries of the decade: the disappearance of Malaysian flight 370, which went down due to unknown circumstances in 2014. Fred finds a clip of 60 Minutes that pretty much covers all the theories, and quickly takes credit for the information (since after all, he did find the clip, and that should count for something, right?). The Gang urges Fred to compose and send an email to WhiteHouse.gov sharing his “discoveries”- hooray, another mystery solved! Everyone hops into the Mystery Machine to celebrate and go bowling, except Velma- that wet blanket- who says something like, “Okay, but can we solve the mystery of where my glasses are? Guys? Hello? Are you still here?”
“Velma’s Political Philosophy PhD Dissertation”: That’s right everyone! The Gang’s going back to school! Velma’s dissertation is all about solving a mystery- the mystery of how to implement social contract theory in a modern, free, and moral society! How can we perpetuate a just and responsible relationship with our government, assuming they are credibly elected by and for the people as endowed by a social contract, without unnecessarily impending on the liberties our country was founded upon? Is the rising trend of neo-liberalism a satisfactory manner in which to maintain a market democracy leading to a standard level of justice and legitimacy in a civil society?
“Come on Scoob, let’s go find a vending machine to shake down. Politics don’t matter to dogs, anyway!” declares Shaggy. (Yes, of course the gang came with Velma to the library; They’ve been running through the shelves and playing quirky music, begging other studying patrons to chase them).
“A rog? Rhere?” says Scooby.
Velma sighs heavily and makes a note in her paper’s margins: “Maybe we should only let the educated elite vote…”
“Scooby-Doo, where are you? And Find Kony, too!”: After the White House reads Fred’s poorly written email and miraculously believes a man who purchased thousands of dollars of Diet Detox Tea did indeed discover reasonable evidence of a mysterious plane crash, the Gang embarks on a government-sponsored quest to hunt down and capture Ethiopian child army leader and global terrorist Joseph Kony. “Now we’re agents of the US government?” cries Daphne. “Jeepers, what if I break a nail?”
Velma passes her a stack of feminist literature she brought onto the plane ride, as well as some books on modern psychology, imposter syndrome, and (oh, what the heck), a copy of Rachel Hollis’ Girl, Wash Your Face.
“What are those?” says Fred, pointing at the books in Daphne’s lap. “Big…comics? Where are all the pictures?”
“….They’re- they’re books,” says Velma, truly afraid for the first time since all this mystery stuff with the Gang started. Velma unbuckles her seatbelt and searches the plane for an emergency parachute, strapping in. Yes, she’s winging this skydive, but she’ll take her chances. Wherever she lands, Velma will start a new life. Live off the Earth. Anything to get away from these Godforsaken idiots.
Speaking of, where are Scooby and Shaggy, you ask? They forgot to get on the plane! The airport food court had a Del Taco and a Taco Bell, and they’re still elbows deep in the Dollar Menu, trying to decide which is better.
Suddenly Shaggy looks out the window, chalupa all over his scruffy face. “Did Velma just jump out of that plane?” he says.
“Rehehehehehe!” replies Scooby. Shaggy sighs. It’s times like these he can’t help but begin to resent his canine friend. Maybe he’d be closer to Velma if Scooby wasn’t always around, demanding attention in such a controlling manner. Shaggy studies the Great Dane that has somehow become his closest confidant, a creature that drinks out of a toilet bowl. Sometimes, late at night when he lies in bed, Shaggy can’t help it. He wonders if Scooby could be a figment of his lonely imagination. A companion he dreamed up out of the desire to be noticed, to be loved…after all it’s been years since he’d felt the touch of a woman. Three long years.
“The Scooby Snack Attack:” Who took the Scooby Snacks from the Scooby Snack jar?! A timeless question- but with this time, with a few simple reviews of home security footage, the Gang can see Scrappy Doo is the culprit. “And I would have gotten away with it, too- if it wasn’t for you meddling kids, and the Ring Security system smart doorbell (available now for three-payment installation with promo code SCOOBY at checkout!)!”
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Gwen Thomas is proof artificial intelligence has gone too far.