Other Proposed Homeland Security Reality & Game Shows….

It has been reported that The U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is currently considering a reality show pitch where immigrants compete for U.S. citizenship. The proposed show, tentatively titled “The American,” would feature immigrants participating in challenges to learn about American history and culture, ultimately aiming for a vote on who deserves citizenship  (Newsweek)

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Grab The Pussy!

In a fashion similar to a cat’s fascination with laser pointer beams, male contestants compete by following these same beams to their ultimate destination in order to grab as many female groins as possible!  Don’t worry, it’s okay, they let you do it when you’re on TV.

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Survivor Epstein Island

Hey, the island is just sitting there anyway.  If it’s a crime scene or something we can just do one of those executive orders.  And for the first time in the show’s history, no age restrictions!   Now THAT’S progress!

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King For A Day

Contestants compete in a series of challenges in order to get the chance to spend a day with President Trump.  In most cases on a day when there are serious security concerns about the president’s safety at public speaking events.

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Dictator Or Traitor?

Our panel of top judges, Vladimir Putin, Don Jr and Marjorie Taylor Greene, decide the fates of contestants who have been guilty of standing up for their rights and the rights of others.  Off with their heads!   Each contestant receives a year’s worth of Turtle Wax and one final meal at Cracker Barrel.

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Wheel Of Abortion

MyPillow pitchman hosts this program that is less an actual game show, and more a selection of women who dared to seek medical help being stretched on a large wheel.  Because I mean, that could actually work.  We won’t know until we try.

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Jeopardy!

(Editor’s Note:  As we went to press, we discovered that this isn’t an actual new game show, but rather the best description of how most people on the planet are currently feeling.  Our apologies for this mistake.)