Posts

Dr. Kit's Nuggets Of Wisdom (now with choice of dipping sauce)

The journey of a thousand miles begins with faking your own death and hiding from your family.

Some More Sus Guidance From the CDC - We’re beginning to think they’re not taking things seriously

The CDC recommends you answer their “u up?” text. The CDC says add them on Snap. The CDC says they get so lonely sometimes.

I’m That Friend Who Always Asks if You’ve Hydrated and, Well, Have You?

It’s simple: Eight glasses, morning to night. If you’re like me, afternoons are mostly spent setting increasingly appreciable rage fires in increasingly busy Paneras, making that daypart less ideal. But whatever your hydration schedule, I find it best to begin when you first wake, right before the dark thoughts have settled in.

CARTOON: Medical Averages

Recommendation Ratios. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Some Blunt Feedback from Your Therapist’s Cat During Telehealth 2020

When you find yourself saying to Ryan, “I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before,” take a deep breath and understand that you have. You have mentioned that you have “a weird thing about vomit” as well as “a weird thing about not wanting to wake up in a panic one night beset by guilt, regret, envy, and vomit,” in addition to “a weird thing for redheads.” These are called, respectively: duh, okay, and ginger tabbies are the best category of every species.

Examining The Medical Prowess Of Donald Trump: Other Examples Of His Insightful Brilliance

“Using a tanning bed on it’s highest setting for several hours every day is great for you. If it weren’t, why would it make you , or me, look so healthy and photogenic?”

Ask Dr. Kit: Pup Smear - Veterinary Queries

Dear Nuts...   You're trying to get me to use the phrase, "you should drain your lizard".   And I'm not going to do it.   Nope.   Please discontinue this nonsense.

Ask Dr. Kit- Special Valentine's Day Lovesick Edition

I woke up during one of our dates, naked and freezing in a bath-tub full of ice! I'm sure that you know this one... yep, my kidney had been removed and stolen! Even more upsetting, she managed to abscond with another of my organs.... my heart!

10 New Year’s Resolutions Written For You by Your Jewish Mother

Read a book once in a while. I swear – if Instagram didn’t have captions your generation would be illiterate.  

Ask Laura Dern! 

DEAR BORED HUSBAND IN AKRON, OH:   You need to collect your wife’s poop and save it out in your backyard until it’s a huge pile.  Then put on some elbow-length plastic gloves and dig through her poop looking for undigested lilac berries from the West Indian lilac bush. She has likely been eating west Indian lilac berries and this is likely what is causing her addiction.  This technique worked for me when I found a sick triceratops in Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park. It should work for you too! - LAURA DERN

Relationship-Wrecked With Dr. Kit Lively

Dear Dr. Kit...How can you tell if your boyfriend is a serial killer? Are there obvious signs that I may be missing? I found a bloodied selection of what appear to be human teeth in a small pile in his workshop, and that's gotten me to thinking... there have been other things that I may be overlooking as well. What do you think?

Letters That Dear Abby Stopped Reading After One Sentence

Dear Abby, As a longtime fan of your column, as well as someone…

Dear Donald

Donald Trump receives thousands of letters every week asking…