Examining The Medical Prowess Of Donald Trump: Other Examples Of His Insightful Brilliance

“You can’t catch chicken pox by eating Chicken Nuggets; those red splotches are simply from getting overly enthusiastic with the barbecue dipping sauce.”

“Using a tanning bed on it’s highest setting for several hours every day is great for you. If it weren’t, why would it make you , or me, look so healthy and photogenic?”

“Pulling out is a perfectly acceptable method of birth control. And by that I mean, having one of your musclehead goons pull out the heart and liver of the stripper you’ve just had sex with, and then burying her in the desert.”

“Be sure to take your blood pressure at least twice a day. Don’t make the mistake of asking about the blood pressure results of those that you work with, though. Scary stuff.”

“You know, no need to wear a mask for this COVID stuff, I’d say. Plenty of time for wearing a mask later, when you’ve been voted out of office and you’re on the run in a series of foreign countries, attempting to disguise your appearance and elude capture from American authorities.”

“I get a lot of questions about what you should do about athletes’ foot. Here’s what I do: When I catch my wife having intercourse with an athlete, I’ll have one of my guys, and these are big guys, grab the athlete, rough him up a bit, and then cut off one of his feet. And as to what you should do about the athletes foot? I usually force my wife to carry it around in her purse, as a sort of reminder.”