Posts

I’m the Understudy to the “Maps” App, and Tonight Could Be My Night

Wake up, me! Stop dreaming and look alive! This is my moment. I see Them, their gloved fingers a crescendo of taps on the buttons above me, entering those precious numbers and letters that bring me to life, infused with the joy of guiding others to their sacred destination.

Historical Tinder

Frida & Diego: 2 miles away. Poly couple looking for a third. Anti-communists swipe left. And more!

CARTOON: Cat Tinder

Nothing looking purrrfect? Today's cartoon by Nathan Cooper.

#DemonicDatingApps

Sinder, Harmers Only, Scratch, and more ##DemonicDatingApps on this week's trending joke game!

Hi, I’m the Toilet in the Back of Your Mirror Selfie—You Can See Me, Right?

If you absolutely needed a full-body pic (I get it, I like to show off my full tank every once in a while too), you have a full-length mirror in your room. Your cute room, where there’s sexier background items like your unmade bed, your chaise lounge with all your dirty clothes thrown on it, your dying plants. It screams sex appeal!

Offline Dating and Other Things to Try After the Pandemic

So many new things to soon explore! Illustrated list by Thomas Wykes.

Your Favorite Orders on Timeless, the Time-Travel Food-Delivery Service

Recession Special from the Greenwich Village Gray’s Papaya, 2002: Our courier will bring you two hot dogs and a “banana daiquiri” drink whose taste is scarcely even related to banana. It won't be spoiled; he picked it up from 2002 five minutes ago, then jumped into his time-traveling Chevrolet Impala.

Suggested Snacks For The Vice Presidential Debate

QAnonfat yogurt dip, KamalaTov Cocktails, Black Olives Matter, and more!

Danielle Steel Chats With Guys On Hinge

[ALEXANDER liked DANIELLE’S photo, captioned “Sourdough-re-me.”] ALEXANDER: Was it light, fluffy, and soft to the touch? DANIELLE: Talk gluten to me, dammit!

This Word-of-the-Day App Chooses Vocabulary Specifically for You!

Perturbed: troubled in mind: feeling or showing agitation. (Merriam-Webster, 2019) Example Sentence: College-educated women from your age bracket often feel perturbed by their inability to find a life partner. 

Casting Call for the Supporting Role of Boyfriend - Apply via Submittable

To apply, carefully read and complete all sections (A-F) below. Submissions should be free of spelling and grammar errors. Submissions should also be free of your unsolicited commentary on the “super uptight” requirements for landing this role. 

Imagined Notification Texts from Two Startup Meal Delivery Services in the Near Future

12:26 PM from Cuminoids: Looks like Farm 2 Mouth meal delivery just showed up at the same time. Not sure why you have both services going as Cuminoids has everything you could need in our inventory with an emphasis on all things enhanced by Cumin.

Is Your Dating App Match, A Bit Too Much Of A Match? Welcome to Incestry FAQ

Is this new person you find so relatable someone that you're actually related to? Let's find out!

Drunk Cartoon: Starters

New Apps for People Who Suffer From Time Mismanagement, Which Other People Shouldn’t Find So Problematic

Apologize Now - Are the apologies you give for your constant…

How to be a Dick Without Having One: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 3)

 PUBLIC SERVICE DISCLAIMER TO ALL DISGRUNTLED “PENIS CUSTODIANS”: Dear…

Censored Sexy Pics: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 2)

Once upon a time, right about now, there is a legendary hero…

Immigrationgram

Introducing the Immigrationgram app! Now you can see what your…

The Adventures of Angry Vagina and Her Dating App

Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry…

CARTOON: iDoc

Useless Tinder Rip-Offs

Just in time for the horrible, lonely holidays! Here Come The…

CARTOON: Phones