I Have To Manspread on Public Transportation Due To My Massively Wide Chode

When you see me or any other man stretching out as if the subway is our own personal living room, know that it’s due to our penises being oriented horizontally and shaped like harmonicas.

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Exposed Himself On Stage At The Music Festival

Here’s an important rule to remember about penises: they should never be a surprise. You need consent from whoever you plan on showing your dingaling to before it makes an appearance. I don’t recall you getting on the mic and asking for the audience’s permission.

Hubris, Hamartia or HELL YEAH?

We’re all gathered at the Colosseum today to talk about the unsettling allegations against people in my position. And you know that position: dick out.

My Dick is Stuck in a Westworld Robot

I came to Westworld for the unbridled adventure. It’s a world…

To Whoever Was Using This Glory Hole

What’s up, fellas! How are you guys doing? Enjoying the hole?…

Every Emoji Is a Dick Emoji

You've probably heard the old adage "the eggplant emoji is…

What Will it Take to Get Anthony Weiner to Stop Sexting?

There are only a few viable scenarios that appear likely:   His…