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Thanks For Cooking, I’ll Do The Dishes
Don’t worry about germs, the hot water will kill most of the bacteria. No hot water at the cottage? No problem-o, the dish soap will do the heavy lifting. Salmonella? Come on, everyone knows you can only get that from salmon.
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I’m Sorry for Wearing a Sexy Nurse Costume to Your Event But It’s Kinda Your Fault for Having It Close to Halloween
I’m sorry I invited 10 random people to your private family and friends shindig and told them it was going to be a rager. I’m sorry they showed up.
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CARTOON: Today's Special
aMAZing. Today's cartoon by Cerise Zelenetz.
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Our Valentine’s Day Prix Fixe Menu Does NOT Allow for Substitutions, Because YOU MADE A COMMITMENT TO IT
Root Vegetable Salad: Artichoke hearts, hearts of palm, and heart-shaped beet carpaccio. You promised to eat this salad when you made the reservation; that’s a public covenant we take very seriously. Do these veggies go well together? They should. But going well together takes effort.
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CARTOON: Rude Mood
That's nuts. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.
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CARTOON: Dinner Time
Too cool to eat with your parents? Today's cartoon by Jake Goldwasser.
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Despite the CDC’s Warnings, I, Hannibal Lecter, Expect to See You at my Thanksgiving Dinner
You will have to wear a mask. Diseased meats taste worse. And we don’t want the pigs to taste badly.
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PIC QUIP: Give Thanks
Give Thanks, because in an alternate timeline, we are gathering with our loved ones, and eating live pythons. Happy Thanksgiving from Weekly Humorist!
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CARTOON: Much Latergram
Felt cute, might eat. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton and Adam Cooper.
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CARTOON: Spice of Life
We might be in a rut. Today's cartoon by Ellis Rosen.
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Transcript: On a Date with an NPR Host
Phil: Tonight’s date will be in four parts: Act I: Pleasantries: Shallow, nonaggressive compliments, observations about the restaurant’s rustic decor; Act II: Dinner and the Exchange of Personal Anecdotes: I’ll tell my story about that time I saw John Travolta at the post office; Act III: Foreplay: Are ears an erogenous zone? We’ll explore each other’s bodies and find out; and, finally, Act IV: Lovemaking: Can two souls still passionately intertwine in our modern age? Stay tuned.
Anna: Sorry?
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CARTOON: Cut The Kavanaugh
Cheese or Kavanaugh? Today's cartoon by Pat Byrnes.
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Other People Mike Pence Won't Dine With
Pence's wife has announced that Mike Pence never dines with women…
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Give Peas a Chance
ENOUGH! Alright, kids. Listen up. I’ve been listening to you…
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Overheard at Trump/Cruz Dinner
President Donald Trump and Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially…
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An Open Letter To Cilantro
Dear Cilantro,
Touché. You’ve done it again.…