For Fail-Safe Security, Hire Me, a Four-Pound Chihuahua

I may be small, but I am no toy. My 3.2 pounds of rippling muscle are built around a heart that races at 180 bpm for the sole purpose of protection. The urge to defend courses through every ounce of my one ounce of purebred blood. I’m genetically obligated to be an absolute dick to everyone but you.

Dog Training for Cowards

Sit and Stay: Ask your dog nicely to sit. If he doesn’t do it, nervously look around to see if anyone noticed him disobeying you. If there’s no one around, pretend you never actually asked him to sit. You will learn to gaslight yourself like this. Similarly, if you ask your dog to stay and he continues to lunge or wander, you must turn it around on yourself. You stay. Stay and wonder why no one ever listens to your requests.


Just scratching the surface. Today's cartoon by Steve Daugherty.

CARTOON: Leak Lineup

Tinkle Wrinkle. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

Brutally-Honest Petfinder 

Rufus has so much love to give. Our behaviorist jokes that this not-so-bashful toy terrier is battling a Charlie Sheen-level sex addiction. All kidding aside, it’s probably best to keep this randy rascal away from other pets, stuffed animals, and anything you wouldn’t want to see coated in semen.


In the doghouse? Today's cartoon by Drew Pankceri.

CARTOON: Howl-oween

Mailmen beware. Today's cartoon by John Cei Douglas.

CARTOON: Dog Career Sniffing

Climbing the canine ladder. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

CARTOON: Dog Walker

Neglectful consequences. Today's cartoon by M.R. Miller and Nick Greenberg.

CARTOON: Dog Therapy

Fetch my feelings. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.


Back to the new normal. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

NEWS BRIEF: Dog Parents

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

CARTOON: Fashion Watch

Going somewhere? Can you imagine? Today's cartoon by Brandon Hicks.

Your Dog's Guide To A Safe And Happy Fourth Of July, by Your Dog

Fireworks, right? Ugh. Who needs 'em? Look, I haven't forgotten about the incident with the rug last year, and I know that your mate hasn't allowed you to forget either. No one wants a repeat of that.

Doggy Dancing- A New Cure For Loneliness

NEW YORK CITY – Leave it to New York City to come up with the…