Conversations Between a Woman and the Dog She’s Unknowingly Dating on ‘Love Is Blind’

Kelsie R., 27, Business Development Manager, and Maverick, 5, Golden Retriever, enter their respective pods on Love Is Blind. A wall prevents them from seeing each other.

KELSIE R.: Hi! Am I talking to Maverick?

[MAVERICK whimpers and wags his tail.]

KELSIE R.: I knew it was you! So, I thought about you all night after our last conversation. All I can think about is like, cuddling on the couch and watching Bravo with you.

[MAVERICK’s head tilts at the mention of the word couch.]

KELSIE R.: You’re just so different from other guys I’ve dated. You’re an amazing listener and such a treat to talk to.

MAVERICK: Arf arf!!!

KELSIE R.: Not you getting excited to hang out with me!

[MAVERICK huffs.]

KELSIE R.: So I’ve been thinking about our previous conversation and how we would do Christmas day together. I am so looking forward to like, hanging out in matching pajamas, opening presents with the kids, maybe drinking mimosas, and cooking a nice cut of meat?

[MAVERICK perks up when Kelsie says ‘meat.’]

KELSIE R.: Okay, I’m gonna go. But when I tell you I’m going to take a bath–

[MAVERICK whines in terror.]

KELSIE R.: Did you say something? Anyway, I’m going to replay our conversation over and over. I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep! Talk to you tomorrow, babe!

[MAVERICK notices his tail and starts chasing it.]

 

The following day Maverick and Kelsie R. are on another date in the pods.

KELSIE R.: Mav?

MAVERICK: Arf!

KELSIE R.: It’s the enthusiasm for me! K, I’m so happy it’s you. So I thought it would be fun to talk about an ideal day together. For me, it’s sleeping in, having coffee, maybe going to workout…

[MAVERICK falls asleep.]

KELSIE R.: Then we can go for a walk in the par–

MAVERICK (going absolutely nuts): Arf ruff RUFF!!!

KELSIE R.: Babe! OMG that is so great you feel the same way! I’ve had no luck in the past and 100% of the guys I’ve dated have cheated on me. But you get me, and I know just by talking to you that you’d never stray. I’m getting loyal vibes! Maverick, I think–no I know–I’m falling in love with you. And you don’t have to say it back. I know it’s soon.

[MAVERICK lifts his leg and pees in a plant.]

 

Kelsie R. and Maverick are once again meeting in the pods. Kelsie is dressed to the nines. Maverick has a stuffed bear in his mouth.

KELSIE R.: I know this is unconventional, but that’s how confident I am that you’re my person. You are the best friend a girl could ever ask for. You’re sweet, a good listener, and I know you’ll be by my side throughout life’s journeys. Maverick L. Goodboy, will you make me the happiest woman on Earth and marry me?

[MAVERICK stares at the wall.]

KELSIE R.: Mav?

[MAVERICK yelps.]

KELSIE R.: Oh my god, yes!!! I am so happy, I just want to hold you right now!

[MAVERICK licks his balls.]

 

Kelsie R. and Maverick are about to see each other in person. Kelsie looks nervous, while Maverick is distracted by a shiny light in the ceiling. The doors open and they see each other.

KELSIE R.: What the fuck!? Did I get engaged to a DOG?

[MAVERICK hangs his head in shame.]

KELSIE R.: You know what? Nothing else has worked out, and we’re all clearly unhinged. Whatever, I’m in.