Your Dog’s Guide To A Safe And Happy Fourth Of July, by Your Dog

Fireworks, right? Ugh. Who needs ’em? Look, I haven’t forgotten about the incident with the rug last year, and I know that your mate hasn’t allowed you to forget either. No one wants a repeat of that.

Whoa, that’s a lot of hot dogs! Way too many for you and your mate to eat, even if other members of your pack are coming over as well. If one or two were to, say, slip out of your hands and fall onto the patio, I’d be sure to make short work of it. No reason for anyone else to know.

And look, I feel like you should know… these other members of your pack who come over and sit on my spot on the couch? I hate to be the one to break this to you, but many of them smell like other dogs. I know, I know, right?! Shocking. Sorry that I had to be the one to tell you. And your mate? From the smell of things, she ate a burger the other day without you. Sorry, man I’m here for you if you need me.

And did I mention the fireworks? I saw a cat run through the front yard a few minutes ago, and things are sort of a blur now. At any rate, yeah… the fireworks. Much ado about nothing, right? I’m sure that we can all agree that holidays are better without sudden loud noises.