I get it. You like to drink. Patrick is your fun guy, the divorced* dad who lets you do anything you please at weekends. And you think because I am a consecrated virgin, I’m no fun? I turned water into beer, you half-wits! You want to dye your beer and your rivers green for that preening jackass, go right ahead, but turning beer into green beer looks pretty weak compared with turning regular H2O into fun juice, you ask me.

Amazon, you're one of the wealthiest entities on Earth, and after a nice pizza dinner, your Choice is to save a large slice of hand-tossed pepperoni in a clear triangular sleeve around your neck before going about your business like nothing is amiss.

Wine not? Today's cartoon by Cerise Zelentz.

He muddled herbs and strychnine with his father’s wooden leg. He zested citrus using his grocer’s hook hand. He strained cocktails with his grandfather’s dentures. When germs were discovered in 1875, he scrapped the use of prosthetics in favor of traditional metal barware. Ever the environmentalist, Cecil chose to use logs of cured meat as swizzle sticks and lead nuggets as whiskey stones.

Deep Beer. Today's cartoon by Jeffrey Curnow.

Liquidity is looking wet. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

He makes a good point. Today's cartoon by Brian Hawes and Seth Roberts.

Maternity Leave?? Sure…...ley Temple: Most of our staff doesn’t need to order this drink, due to strategic hiring choices, but if you’re thinking you might one day want to enjoy this delightful combination of lemon-lime soda, grenadine and a mouthful of maraschino cherries, let us know.

Some smarty-pants scientific types recently unveiled to the world the fact that alcohol, in any amount, isn't good for you. What a slap in the face! But don't despair. We got really drunk and came up with a few of these...