McConnell’s Mud & Muck Lager: Made from fermented barley, hops and crocodile tears, this lager has the bitter aftertaste of sweat and denial.
Lindsey Graham Blonde Ale: A delicate beer with fruity undertones. Goes down smooth with little sustenance and no apology.
Dry Hump Chump Malt Liquor: Dissipating head with a dry finish.
UB40 Porter: Bold beer best served on ice to bring out its aggressive flavors.
False Accusations IPA: A craft beer collaboration created by a high school basketball team in a Bethesda, Maryland basement. Strong scent of overactive testosterone. A favorite among underage drinkers.
Twilight Zone-Out Imperial Stout: A robust, game night stout perfect for Quarters or The Devil’s Triangle.
Full Exposure Pilsner: Naked brew with a dry aftertaste and no finish.
Blackout Stout: Bottled at Georgetown Preparatory School in 1983, this dense beer was created for “Beach Week” with its high alcohol content ensuring a lack of morals and convenient memory loss.
Small Wood Double IPA: A hoppy beer with nutty undertones and a strong hint of male entitlement. The presidential beer of choice.
Sausage Fest Pale Ale: A favorite among prep school boys and GOP members of the House Judiciary Committee.
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Marcia Kester Doyle is the author of the humor book, “Who Stole My Spandex? Life In The Hot Flash Lane” and the voice behind the popular midlife blog, “Menopausal Mother.” Her work has been featured on numerous sites, including The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day, Country Living, House Beautiful, and The Huffington Post, among others.