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Other New Florida State Board of Education Guidelines

World War I: Not necessary to teach - too boring. World War II: Describe how even broads can find a place in society once learning a marketable skill. Catholic Church sexual abuse cases: Never happened. And more!

Please Do Not Show My Child Michelangelo’s David for I Wish to Bang It

When I consider the balance of the sculpture, still standing five centuries later, I don’t whisper, “behold structural engineering of this masterpiece.”  No. I think, "I hope humping it wouldn’t knock it over.” A piece that stirs such sinful thoughts could never be considered art.

The Republican Emperors Hereby Present You With An Opportunity To Become Esteemed Gladiators 

We’re not kidnapping you, and we’re not forcing you to fight against your will. You aren’t pawns in some elaborate game... You are prized gladiator fighters– royalty even! As proof, here’s a gift card to McDonald's, and some armor we’ve crafted out of recycled Diet Coke cans.

CARTOON: FloriDUH Math

Never adds up. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Florida’s ‘Don’t Say Gay’ Bill Protects Our Most Vulnerable — People Who Are Still Homophobic in 2022

Regardless of how you feel about this bill, you have to admit that it does protect a vulnerable group of people. Just like alligators, homophobic people in 2022 are Florida’s largest export to New York through the sewer system. And also like alligators, they only bite if provoked. And unprovoked. And anytime they hear any word that starts with the letters “GA.” 

It’s My Job as Governor to Protect Florida From the Ever-Encroaching Threat of Self Awareness

The real virus sweeping the nation is self-awareness. As a lawmaker in the great state of Florida, it is my duty to the people to protect them (white) from ever wondering, even for a second, why grandpa changed the channel every time Family Matters came on. 

CARTOON: Telephoney

Can we all retire from this? Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: End Game

Best outcome for everyone. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

CARTOON: Dizzy Disney

Spreading more then cheer. Today's cartoon by Lila Ash.

Quiz: Ernest Hemingway or “Florida Man”?

Tied a weather balloon to his gun to make his suicide look…

If Trump Had Run Into The Florida School Shooting

President Donald J. Trump said this week that if he had been…