President Donald J. Trump said this week that if he had been present at the recent deadly shootings at a Florida high school, “I really believe I’d run in there, even if I didn’t have a weapon.”
Here’s what else Trump would have done if he had found his way inside the school:
Tweeted at the gunman from a safe distance, “drop your weapon.”
Beaten the gunman within an inch of his life with the bone spurs that kept Trump out of the Vietnam War.
Sent an attorney to threaten to sue the gunman.
Yelled “you’re fired” at the gunman.
Waited for Congress to pass sanctions against the gunman, then refused to implement them.
See if the gunman was Black, Hispanic or Muslim before deciding if he was a bad guy.
Offered the gunman partial security clearance in exchange for surrendering.
Slapped the gunman silly with his little-bitty baby hands.
Asked the gunman if he had “a really hot sister.”
Reminded the gunman of “my huge win the Electoral College, historic really.”
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Les East is a nationally renown freelance journalist. He was recently named top sports columnist in the United States by the Society of Professional Journalists and Louisiana Sportswriter of the Year by the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association. When he’s not writing about sports — and sometimes when he is — he likes to provide snarky commentary on current events. You can follow him on Facebook and Twitter — @Les_East