Posts

Should You Smile More?: A Quiz

A man calls to you on the street, “You should smile more, honey. And you have nice tits.” Should you smile more? a) Yes, and you should thank him for the compliment. b) Well, you do have RBF. But your cat just died. Although he did offer up a nice compliment, so… c) No. But do enjoy the compliment. Your breasts are surely better than nice, and armed with these and other amazing assets, you certainly don’t have to listen to men like this creep to build your confidence.

FAQ for When Your Man Buys a Home Brew Kit

Q: Why am I completely covered in thrush? A: You took a bath in beer.

I Have To Manspread on Public Transportation Due To My Massively Wide Chode

When you see me or any other man stretching out as if the subway is our own personal living room, know that it’s due to our penises being oriented horizontally and shaped like harmonicas.

Start Enjoying This Catalog You Think You’re Too Young To Get

Sure, you can put on your Clash and your Bush and your Kate Bush, but playing them on vinyl doesn’t make you young and wired. It makes you old enough to have the original albums before CDs were invented. Let’s talk tweed.

I Miss the Good Old Days When Healthy Relationship Standards Meant Men Doing Whatever They Wanted and Women Shutting the Hell Up

I know I’m not the problem. The problem is women and algorithms. Women are too complicated, and so are algorithms. Put the two together, and you have a dating puzzle that not even the smartest man (Joe Montana) can solve. 

Straight Guys: Love 3-in-1 Shampoo, Conditioner & Body Wash? Meet Your New Must-Haves

5-in-1 Scented Spray: Cologne, Air Freshener, Deodorant, Detergent & Breath Spray. When it comes to strong, masculine scents, here is the truth most people won’t tell you: more is more.

What Your Favorite Eagles Song Says About the Way You End Relationships

Doolin-Dalton: You don’t end relationships because you don’t have relationships.

A Manly Holiday Gift Guide of Manly Gifts for the Manly Men in Your Life  

A flask with a Mini-Flask Hidden on the Side of It. And more.

This Word-of-the-Day App Chooses Vocabulary Specifically for You!

Perturbed: troubled in mind: feeling or showing agitation. (Merriam-Webster, 2019) Example Sentence: College-educated women from your age bracket often feel perturbed by their inability to find a life partner. 

Sexist Double Standards I Hold About Men That Generic RideShare App™ Needs to Address

As a powerful woman who is supposed to hate all other women and nonbinary people almost as much as I hate myself, this email serves to confess I can’t. I just can’t and I need your help. It’s terrible and really going to limit my trajectory at Generic RideShare App™, but there are some sexist double-standards I just can’t help but have.

Transcript: On a Date with an NPR Host

Phil: Tonight’s date will be in four parts: Act I: Pleasantries: Shallow, nonaggressive compliments, observations about the restaurant’s rustic decor; Act II: Dinner and the Exchange of Personal Anecdotes: I’ll tell my story about that time I saw John Travolta at the post office; Act III: Foreplay: Are ears an erogenous zone? We’ll explore each other’s bodies and find out; and, finally, Act IV: Lovemaking: Can two souls still passionately intertwine in our modern age? Stay tuned. Anna: Sorry?

Public Bathroom Etiquette: 11 Things You Don’t Say at Urinals

After multiple urinal related altercations in restrooms across…

First-Date Customer Satisfaction Survey

Congratulations! You’ve been selected to participate in a…

9 Great Urinal Conversation Topics

1. Cold out/hot out/regular temperature out. 2. These…

CARTOON: Cologne