After multiple urinal related altercations in restrooms across the U.S. and parts of Canada, the National Society for Bathroom Etiquette released the following list of things not to say to the person standing next to you:
You’re that former New York Congressman who took the selfies.
Can you hold this while I make a phone call?
You know how to whistle, don’t you…?
You should do something about that birthmark.
I call mine Don Hose, what do you call yours?
Hey, hey, look up here, I’ve got eyes, too.
I’m grower, not a shower. You?
So, you just did the ALS ice bucket challenge?
I see you can’t write your name in the snow, you can only scribble.
Rabbi Schmulie, right? I’d recognize his work anywhere.
Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending, Congolese gynecologist, Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney’s, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog, Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that’s been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul’s time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar…