No soliciting. Today's cartoon by Kit Lively and David DeGrand.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Saints Who Are Always Running Late

“Have ye inquired of the Lord? He was supposed to be here two millennia ago.” - 1 Nephi 15:8

Introducing: GODSHOT

This pandemic has been tough and we think you deserve a fun, shiny name to get behind. I mean, the word ‘vaccine’ is so 1798 and besides, it only protects against ONE virus. How lame is that? Our shot protects you against EVERYTHING. Even food poisoning! Bet you didn’t think that was possible, but it is. Trust us. We deliberately ate spoiled food to see if it would work, and we only vomited once and our ER stay was super short! If that doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will!

Debuting on Broadband: The Book of Zuckerberg 

Hello! My name is Elder Zuckerberg and I would like to share with you the most amazing update to my book. The good book. The Facebook. Not only can you follow your friends, but now, you can also follow God with the help of the new worship features available to you. That’s right, sinners. I brought God to Facebook so you can experience salvation.

CARTOON: Prohibited Produce

Don't even think about it, unless you have a coupon.

CARTOON: Passover Easy

This might scramble some things. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Catholic Church Sends Cease and Desist Letter

It has come to our attention that The Church of Todd has been using characters and stories owned by the Catholic Church during its “Friday Night Kegger Services”. We have not given Todd consent to use Jesus, Mary, crucifixion, misery, guilt, or famine.

Don't Separate Church & State! Sexy Religious Texts Conservative Senators Can Send Their Mistresses

Remind your lover that you’re an all around great guy/gal. So great, that you can be shared among many who are blessed with your presence and chemically-brightened smile.

Bible Version 2.0: Updated Verses from a God Who Just F'ing Can't Anymore

Ambien 5mg: So it shall be that we would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. Unto which the Lord replied "OMG, can’t I get 5 goddamned minutes to myself?! Daddy is TIRED.”

Updated Religion Slogans for Gen-Z Recruitment

Agnosticism: The Joy of Missing Out, and more.

Quiz: Megachurch or Megamillions?

This institution is designed to suck money from hapless…

Cakes Religious Bakers Are Willing To Make

If you live in a God-fearing town, there are plenty of non-traditional,…

11 Cereal Brands, Ranked by How Much They Could Also Be Cults

11. Trader Joe’s 10. America’s Choice 9. General…

L. Ron Hubbard's Advice To Writers

L. Ron Hubbard, prolific writer and founder of Scientology, holds…