I'm the Republican Who's Going to Beat Donald Trump and- Oh No I Just Shit My Pants

This country desperately needs Trumpism without Trump. And I am not Trump. No, I'm- shitting my pants again! Oh no! Hnnnn! Hnnnnnnnnnnnn! Ew, my pants are full of shit! Why is this happening? I'm just trying to say and do everything Donald Trump would while looking and sounding more Presidential! Hhhnn! Oh God I'm shitting more- Hhhhhhhnnnnnnn! The shit's coming out of the bottom of my pants now!

Names for Trump’s New Political Party

Mein Pillow, Trump’s Chumps, Turd Reich, and more!

The Republican Twilight Zone

There is another dimension beyond all logic known to man. It is a dimension of arrogance as vast as space and as bottomless as voter fraud allegations. It is the middle ground between Mike Pence and Kelly Anne Conway, between science fiction and Trump Tweets. It lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of man’s maskless indoor gatherings. It is an area which we call... The Republican Zone.

This is Not the Republican Party I Slept With in College

I imagine if we tried to get intimate these days, you’d get all bristly and say, “So, I suppose you want me to GIVE you an orgasm? You want me to just GIVE you one? Everybody wants a handout!”

Republicans to Physically Flip When Your State Flips Republican

Your Coworker Make sure to use both hands to physically flip Nancy, a known Trump acolyte, on your way to the break room. Her surprisingly unstable ergonomic chair won’t stand a chance against your leftist rage—much like immigrants seeking asylum won’t stand a chance against her xenophobia.