We Are Denying You Admittance To This University Because Your Senior Prank Was So Lame 

We encourage all of our students to try to embody this mantra at all times, as creativity is inherent in the Wilhearst experience. So with that aphorism in mind, you can only imagine how disappointed our team was to see that hackneyed senior prank you tried to pull with your buddy Jeff.

Financial Terms, According To My Teenager

Gross Margin: Penis doodles along the edges of your Great Expectations book. Margin Call: The phone call your parent receives after the teacher spots your Gross Margin. And more!

NEWS BRIEFS: Dad Accidentally Streaks Slumber Party

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

Spooky High is Closing

For more than 200 years, Spooky High has been the preeminent educational facility in this area for young monsters, supernatural entities, and horrifying creatures, all seeking to learn in a safe environment free from the persecutions and distractions of the mainstream world. Our alumni are world-renowned, including the Frankenstein creation, six generations of Blobs, all seven Mummy siblings, and a real zombie who was in the “Thriller” video.

CARTOON: Spyware

Though I will accept all cookies. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

10 Things I (A Gen X Parent) Have Learned From My Gen Z Kids — In Haiku

Asking if a friend/ Is online or in real life/ Invalidates them

NEWS BRIEFS: 100% of All Home-Schooled Teens "Very Likely" to Masturbate During Lunch.

Weekly Humorist News Briefs. Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

Prom Theme Ideas for Your DIY Quarantine Home Prom 

“Grey Gardens” The excess of the roaring twenties comes to life.  Grab your mom, several feral kittens, and some cans of corn and prepare to dance the night away. Playlist suggestions: “Solitaire” by Laura Branigan; “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince; “Crazy for You” by Madonna; “Old Money” by Lana del Ray.


Your first kiss!! Which type of face-masks are best? ... Page 34/ Win a Zoom chat video lunch date with Nick Jonas!! .... Page 38/ No need to social distance yourself from these hot shirtless hunk wall posters !!

Nine Quagmires You Can Only Understand If You Are a Teenage Worker Working at Edible Arrangements the Week Prior to Valentine’s Day

6)  You instinctively dip your hand into the vat of hot milk chocolate to retrieve the AirPod and you burn your fingers.

No Son Of Mine Is Going To Have Premarital Sex In My House. No, He’ll Have It In The Garage… That’s Where The Magic Happens!

I’m sorry, but if (and when) one of my sons breaks the sacred bonds of matrimonial bliss, then he best be doing it in our charming, romantic (and hot-as-hell) garage… because that’s where the magic goes down! 

CARTOON: Moody Moon

Not feeling out of this world? Today's cartoon by Jack Loftus.

Are You There, Cthulhu? It’s Me, Margaret.

If only we had this kind of content during our vulnerable years - maybe it wold have all turned out differently.


"But vaping is healthier" uuuhhhhh yeah we'll pretend that's true.

Hey ‘80s and ‘90s Kids, Do You Remember These Defunct Mall Stores?

Cool Kevin’s Single Earrings In the ‘80s there was nothing…

Paul Ryan's Other Teenage Dreams

“So Medicaid, sending it back to the states, capping its growth…

Proactiv Introduces Humbling Cream, Which Gives Pimples to Cool Kids

EL SEGUNDO, CALIFORNIA—Acne medication company Proactiv today…

Hard To Fill Help Wanted Ads

NOW HIRING: Reverse Psychologist  You don’t really want this…