When your scientists discovered that each person we beam aboard our ships allows us to become stronger, the so-called “patriots” dug their heels in and vehemently declined protection. Despite the knowledge that being beamed aboard our ships could result in serious illness, severe probing, or death, they wanted nothing to do with the serum. Even when those we abducted were released back to earth and repented, urging anyone who was not yet protected to get the serum, they said, “I’d rather take my chances with the aliens than your newfangled potions.”

Get The Hint?: So, you’re fully vaccinated (minus two weeks), and you’re looking to hook up. Nothing less subtle than an entirely clear suit! Wear your best lingerie underneath, or nothing at all. Even if you get kicked out of CVS or banned from the Javits Center for life, you’re sure to turn heads in this daring suit (and get some digits)!

Also first time wearing pants in a year. Today's cartoon by Joe Wos.

Look, I’m just a young, innocent girl who wants to finally be able to see Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. Without a golden ticket, my life is empty and bleak. Yes, millions of other children might have their lives completely changed, or even saved, by a golden ticket, but I need it more than them so I can brag to my rich friends that I got it before they did.