Originals

Select Scenes From The QAnanny Sitcom

QAnanny: Nya-ha-ha-ha-nnha-nnha-hnn-ha-nhee-heee

Gross Sheffield: What is that… that noise she’s making? Is that a laugh?

Not-So-Brighton Sheffield: I mean… kind of? She’s attempting to use the high-pitched frequency of those noises to short circuit the deep-state hypnotic suggestions that have been hard wired into her brain.

Gross: Good grief, that’s insane! What are those deep-state media weasels up to this time? Is Joe Biden telekinetically controlling those murder hornets again?



Not-So-Brighton: You wish! She’s trying to shake loose the media’s lies about Trump losing the 2020 election.

Gross: Ouch! Is it working?

Not-So-Brighton: Well, my brains are certainly beginning to feel mushy.

 

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Pacswell Sheffield: Good Lord, the kitchen is a complete wreck! What exactly are you doing in here??

QAnanny: I’d been really craving a pizza all day! I just realized that I’ve never made a pizza before, so I accidentally made a mess.

Pacswell: Yes, I’d say that you have! And why didn’t you just go out for pizza? We could have grabbed the kids and made an outing of it.

QAnanny: That’s actually the problem. As you well know, according to Q, many pizza places are a haven for child sex traffickers. I didn’t want to risk that they might try to “grab the kids and make an outing of it” if we went out for pizza.

Pacswell: Okay, reasonable enough. Although you don’t seem to have a similar problem with dragging the kids to your Catholic Church every Sunday.

QAnanny: Well, sure. The sexual predators at church are decent, God-fearing folks. Those Democratic perverts are cannibalistic Satan worshippers.

Pacswell: A fair point.

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Pacswell: See here, what is this about you needing to take January 5th and 6th off from work? You know very well that the children and I are traveling to Trump’s Stop The Steal rally on those same days! I’d rather not leave an empty house open to an attack from Antifa.

QAnanny: But that’s not fair! If I don’t show up, the others won’t have my portion of the gallows that we’ve built!

Not-So-Brighton: Well, think about it for a moment Dad… if she comes along, we can have her carry the backpack of pipe bombs. Couldn’t hurt to have a patsy.

Pacswell: Hmm… Good thinking, son! Its just that sort of moxie that makes the GOP the rightful heirs to the Americas, as well as the Golden Orbs Of Vonskorath.

QAnanny: Hey guys, I don’t know that there’s going to be room in the back of the van for both my section of the gallows and the rocket launcher.

 

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Maga-ie Sheffield: Dad! Are you doing anything about QAnanny being arrested for defiling the Capital on January 6th? We’ve got to get her out of jail!

Pacswell: I’m afraid that it may be out of my hands, my dear. When QAnanny made a bowel movement in Nancy Pelosi’s NPR book satchel, the authorities were able to test her DNA. They have plenty of evidence to keep her detained, it seems.

Maga-ie: Then what good are all of those high-priced attorneys that you keep on retainer? What price justice??

Pacswell: I admire your moxie, honey. The thing is… the DNA that QAnanny left behind also indicated that she is the is the ancestor of immigrants.

Maga-ie: Ah, enough said. Yeah, let her rot.

 

by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence