Watch Out Taco Bell Value Menu. It’s Pay Day

All right. Let’s get this party started. You know what I’m talking about. It’s pay day Taco Bell, and I’m rolling nine Washingtons deep. That’s $9 ya’ll.

 

What’s my day job? Which one? I’ve got six. I’m on Uber, Lyft, Rover, Care.com, Wag, and on Sundays my Mom gives me $5 to mow her lawn. Why? Because I was her special little goddamn miracle. I’m talking preemie, son!

 

So you know I need that beefy mini quesadilla. For my health.

 

Do I have student loans? You fucking know I do. I didn’t declare a major until I was a junior and dropped out in my third senior year. And that Sallie Mae doesn’t fuck around.

 

But that doesn’t matter today. Because it’s motherfucking pay day.

 

So, what’s on the menu?

 

I’m talking Triple Layer Nachos. Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito. Shredded Chicken Mini Quesadilla. Spicy Potato Soft Taco. Beefy Fritos Burrito. Cinnabon. Fucking. Delights.

 

I am loading up. Why? Because today I am a king. Society divides itself into the haves and the have-nots. And once every two weeks for one glorious meal. I. Fucking. Have.

 

But I’m not some greedy burrito tycoon. I spread the love around. If I see some choice honey eyeing my bounty I’m gonna hook her up. Because water cups are free and no one checks if you fill them with Mountain Dew Baja Blast. That’s for you baby.

 

So load me up Cashier #4. I’ve got a date with luxury. And throw in some cinnamon twists. I found change in my car.