Worst Movies of the Year
RebaCop
How about a movie exactly like Robocop, but as portrayed by country music act Reba McEntire? Um, no thanks. And audiences for once agreed. At least this failure saves us from the possibility of the studio’s proposed shared “RebaVerse”.
The Faust & The Furious
Take a group of untalented actors, ranging from the Rock and Vin Diesel to the slightly less offensive Michelle Rodriguez, all of whom are successful only because of deals with Satan. Put them all in the same horribly written movie together. What’s the worst thing that could happen? This movie. This movie is the worst thing that could happen.
Just-ICE League
Who thought that it would be a good idea to take a group of ICE agents, dress them up in budget superhero Halloween costumes, and film them as they terrorize innocent immigrants? Not even Trump’s base showed up for this one, although to be fair the movie was released during the height of this year’s WrestleMania furor, so possibly not the best gauge of interest.
The Haunting Of Hill’s House
A terrifying, malevolent entity is haunting Hillary Clinton’s house! What grotesque, fetid monstrosity slithers and groans from the shadows of Hill’s house? To no one’s surprise, it’s Donald Trump! Because he didn’t actually win the last presidential election, which makes the White House “Hill’s house”. Get it? Good, because I really had to work for that one.
Busty & Crusty
Documentary on the range of unpleasant afflictions that can be formed and spread by strippers dancing on poles that aren’t cleaned with any regularity. Troubling to say the least, and absolutely no reason for it to have been released in 3D.
Adam’s Eve
What could be better than following Adam Sandler on every step of his process during the eve of his colonoscopy? Lots of things, hopefully. Still, we imagine his fans took great delight in watching their idol guzzle gallons of liquid laxatives before quickly and loudly voiding his bowels several dozens of times. An hour and forty-five minutes of this!! Still, a much better movie than The Waterboy at least.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
