You Are What You Eat
Do you ever wish you knew exactly what foods fed which parts of your body? We figured it out!
Strawberries make tongues.
Water is supposed to nourish your skin but it doesn’t, no matter what you’ve heard.
Biscotti, the hardest substance known to humankind, makes up our bones.
Pasta makes your hair, of course.
Vitamins make the yellow color in your pee and nothing else.
Bacon grease settles on your back.
Your decadent liver is made of equal parts truffle oil and brie.
Cashews make long nails.
Corn makes the corn in your poop.
Tea flows to the part of your brain that is British.
Onions make stress sweat. Olive oil makes regular sweat.
Your appendix is made of all the gum you swallowed as a kid.
Remember that water from earlier? Your greedy spleen drinks it all.
Lungs are made from other people’s coughs.
The top of pudding creates our skin. It takes a long time to create skin.
Scabs come from granola, especially the kind with the dried cranberries.
Olives form our corneas. Most of us don’t eat enough olives, which is why you can see the whites of our eyes.
Croissants make dandruff.
When you accidentally eat some egg shell, that’s when your big toenail gets impossibly thick.
Veggie burgers make orgasms. One of our most surprising findings.
Bananas make up the upper arms, unless you’re in really good shape. Then they’re just forearms.
If you are in really good shape, your upper arms are made of all the hard lemons you must be eating.
Your stomach is made from the eight spiders you swallow every year — they work so hard!
Once the water has satisfied the spleen’s powerful thirst, it travels upstream to the earlobe, where it just hangs there.
Your heart is made of beets.
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Kiki O’Keeffe is a writer in Brooklyn.
