Your Work Camp Or Mine? A Guide To Dating In Trump’s Dystopian Future
Where to even meet someone who is also looking for a loving relationship, or even just a sexy hookup? Well, just like in the Before Times, you can try church, and…. actually, yeah… church, that’s pretty much it.
It’s true fellas, typically ladies won’t kiss on the first date, mostly because their lips are severely chapped from dehydration due to lack of clean drinking water.
Holding hands while enjoying one another’s company during a romantic walk is an excellent way to build onto that initial spark of attraction. Of course, don’t wander beyond the perimeter of the electric security gate or camp personnel will have no other choice than to shoot both of you on sight.
Birth control being illegal, the preferred method of sexual intimacy is ass eating; coincidentally this particular period of human history will be described by future historians as “The Era That Really, Really Ate Ass”.
As any true romantic will tell you, heartfelt gestures are the foundation of any long lasting relationship. Playing love songs on a boom box while holding it over your head, ala romcom royalty Say Anything, is cute but sadly impractical due to Trump’s media / entertainment blackout. Consider instead holding your Portable Government Information Broadcasting Device over your head while playing the only other option, words of encouragement from Trump on the official government FOX Channel For The People. It’s romantic as well as educational and inspiring!
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
