Questions For Robert “Bobby” Mueller

If you were the police commissioner of Gotham City, would you find it necessary to light up the Bat-signal when confronted with the evidence contained in your report on the president?

We’ve all heard the saying, “Caught red-handed”; would you say that it’s possible to also be caught orange-handed?

Let’s speculate that our current political situation were an Agatha Christie novel; would you say that these hearings represent the last few pages of that novel?

At the next State Of The Union address, could the president’s introduction be slightly modified to “Mr. Speaker, the president of the United States: Come out with your hands up!!”?

Do you know if UberEats will deliver McDonalds to a typical state-run prison?

If the president were a roguish young male circling your dwelling, and the Constitution was your teenaged daughter, would you quickly fit her with a chastity belt?

Would you compare Trump and Putin more closely to late era Simon & Garfunkel, or early era Hall & Oates?

illustration by John Daly