Central Park Defends Its Dry Spell

As of Tuesday morning, Central Park had gone 29 days without measurable rain, the second-longest dry streak in records that date back to 1869 […} If no rain falls before midnight on Halloween, October would be the driest calendar month in the city’s history. – The New York Times, 10/29/2024

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It’s been a minute since any condensation has been spotted in my vast meadows, but it’s not a big deal – I’ve just got a lot going on right now.

It’s not that I want to be in a dry spell, per say, I’m just so busy with other things I don’t really have time to focus on watering my flowers. This isn’t a permanent thing, by the way. Rain will fall once again, but for now I’m not trying to rush anything. As my friends Prospect and Washington Square always say, it’ll happen when you least expect it.

I’m just really focused on work right now. After all, I’m the only person left in the mayor’s office, and someone has to be in charge of the city while this current doofus is off in Turkey or going to the club or however he spends his hours not serving the people of New York. There’s no time to be worried about such trivial pursuits as my next rainfall.

I haven’t really felt in the mood these days. It’s embarrassing, but to be perfectly honest, with the election coming up and everything, I’ve been so stressed out it’s affecting my….performance. I haven’t been able to muster up significant cloud coverage, never mind generate any actual precipitation. It’s been so long I’m pretty sure the next time I encounter a shift in wind speed, what should be a little drizzle is instead going to result in a brief but intense downpour. It’s not you, it’s me and too much built up atmospheric pressure.

Who has the time or energy to go out to a bar and strike up conversation with a beautiful nimbostratus? Even flirty eye contact seems daunting to me right now. I think I’m just going to take a break and focus on myself. Yes we’re already 29 days into this break, but now it’s going to be purposeful, a mindful decision as opposed to an accidental passing of days. Intentionally continuing the dry streak will allow me to focus on my special interests, like growing beautiful foliage and providing a trap for tourists to step in horse poop, thereby punishing them for treating my precious grounds as their temporary plaything and hopefully scaring them away from the city forever.

Some would say my long-term growth as a park and overall well-being is being stunted and possibly even hurt by the lack of precipitation. I would say, it’s all about the mindset. Maybe I’m just waiting for the perfect storm. Maybe I don’t have the right conditions to start something right now, and a simple sun shower would turn dark and stormy because it met me at the wrong time. Maybe I’m just not fully recovered from the last storm – Ida, Debby, Elsa. Hell, for all we know I might still be getting over Sandy. The point is, I’ve just got a lot going on at home right now, and this drought’s nothing to worry about. I’m fine, really.

I know Hamptons is starting to slow down too after a busy summer, so at least I’m not in it alone. Adirondacks is busy for a few weeks – it’s cuffing season and they’re relentless about trying to set everyone up. It’s like enough! I’m good, I swear! If you meet anyone you think I might like, though, feel free to give them my number.