Least Coveted Raffle Prizes
Cursed monkey hand
Do-It-Yourself Human Centipede Kit
$25 gift card to vegan café “You’ve Got Kale”
Incontinence-Friendly Square-Dance Lessons
Backstage passes to Bill Cosby show
Dollar Store Ouija board that only contacts people in comas
Written transcript of Kanye’s 2015 MTV VMA speech
Free paternity test results read by Maury Povich
Bird-house filled with piping hot coleslaw (feeds 3 people or 47 birds)
Back-hair extensions
$100 contribution in your name to the Westboro Baptist Church