Things ICE Agents Are Probably Doing While “Patrolling” Airports

“Up to 150 Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers were deployed at airports across the United States on Monday, a move that the Trump administration said was an effort to address long lines amid a shortage of Transportation Security Administration agents, who are working without pay during the partial government shutdown.” —The New York Times, March 24, 2026

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Imagining elaborate backstories for passengers.

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Pounding the Diet Cokes people had to discard before security.

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Taking bets on which couples will break up by the end of their trips (it’s the ones with the worst PDA, amiright?).

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Googling “Is it legal to clap when the plane lands?”

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Sampling the lotions at Clinique.

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Powernaps.

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Charging their phones, laptops, iPads, portable chargers, and Fitbits to avoid using expensive electricity at home.

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Learning new TikTok dances from 12-year-olds in the security line.

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Pushup contests.

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Surfing the luggage conveyor belts.

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Pretending it’s their birthday at the TGI Fridays to get a free balloon and dessert.

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Flash mob!

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Buying tee-shirts that say, “My dad shot someone in Minneapolis, and all I got was this lousy tee-shirt.”