A Letter of Support from the President of the United States to the Cornell 7

Trump: Cornell Students ‘won’t get a fair shake’ with James Leading Probe.  “I feel bad for whoever she’s looking at because they won’t get a fair shake,” [Trump] added. – The Hill

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Dear BRAVE Victims,

 

It’s I, the PRESIDENT writing this, hello. 

 

I’d like to address the goings on in the news from these past few days. The things I have seen are, quite frankly, ATROCIOUS. This story is SICKENING: the fact that this vulnerable young woman has the AUDACITY to say the things she is saying, be them true or false, is really upsetting. I have WEPT over the thought of what this means for your careers. I understand you may be currently experiencing great waves of fear and uncertainty. You probably feel alone, unsafe, and unheard. I write this letter to let you know you are NOT.  Jane Doe is, in fact, the ALONE one. And it’s the word of you seven against hers, which is FAIR, I THINK! 

 

Over the past few days, I have watched the RADICAL LEFT try to DESTROY your reputations, and, frankly, I WON’T stand for it. I won’t allow the swamp that is WOMEN to admonish you for completely NORMAL stuff. You’re doing all the right things by denying the allegations. My son Baron should be looking up to you boys; you did go to an Ivy League, after all. 

 

You know they came for me too; they did, really. That nasty, nasty woman (PLURAL!) tried to ruin my return to the Oval Office. Regardless of the validity of her statements (which are BOGUS, PROBABLY!), you WILL be able to overcome this. Trust me, I did. You know they wanted Jesus dead too, and he came back! And many people say I’m a lot like Jesus, for a lot of reasons, primarily THAT ONE, and quite frankly, you might be too, all seven of you, if you play your cards right. You are off to a good start. It looks like you have A LOT of disciples who support you, 50 of them just going off of the SNAP GROUP; that’s enough, I think, to be Jesus. It’s MORE than Jesus had, in all honesty. Do with that what you will.

 

I know you worry that your futures are over now.  That fear may seem real, but I promise you, it is KIND OF BS! Give it a few weeks! This stuff USUALLY blows over! Like, almost ALWAYS!  These LOW IQ, PICK-ME-PIGGIES have tried this whole “accountability” thing before. Many talented, beautiful, patriotic young men have been in your shoes, faced the same adversity you have, and gone on to do INCREDIBLE things in BEAUTIFUL positions of power! They have become lawyers, Supreme Court justices, prolific Hollywood producers, and Actor Kevin Spacey. Not to mention, PRESIDENT (PLURAL! We forget about Clinton and Jefferson!)! Look at Brett Kavanaugh; he’ll be in the BIGGEST SEAT in the country for LIFE! These men had doors shut in their face because WOKE, but they went on to become super successful, all because they didn’t take NO for an answer; that’s what powerful men do! Ignore resistance.

 

Also, what kind of name is JANE DOE? BAD! That’s what kind!

 

Hope your lawyers give them hell, boys! Keep grabbing life by the pussy!

 

In Solidarity,

 

The President of the United States of America 

Donald J. Trump