A Layman’s Understanding of Food Recipes

A hard thing becomes a soft thing from hot water.

The soft thing is separated from hot water with a leaky bowl.

A thick paste gets water added to it to make a wet sauce.

A milky thing is added to a wet sauce to make the sauce a milky sauce.

The milky sauce is added to the soft thing in a sealed bowl.

***

An orange liquidy thing is put inside cold furniture for a while so it can turn into a wobbly solid.

***

The addition of thick milk and heat makes bread or a dead animal turn brown.

Removing heat allows bread or a dead animal to stay brown.

Bread or a dead animal turns black if you fall asleep and the smoke detective gets angry.

***

A robot’s hat is filled with animal water.

The hot animal water gets stuff added to it and is moved around with a spoon.

Letter-shaped noodles reveal the message AYBRORLPQS because they don’t possess the ability to arrange themselves––but I do!

***

Peppers are placed directly onto hot furniture.

The smoke detective wakes me up from my nap and I run to the kitchen that has thick black smoke coming out from under the door.

Perfectly roasted peppers are removed from the hot furniture.

***

A mixture of dry and wet is tossed around in white sand to make frisbee upholstery.

A wet sauce is spread with a robot’s golf club onto the frisbee upholstery.

A block of white that was rubbed against a robot’s acne, dead animal discs, leaves, a different dead animal, green tubes, and black rings that can’t fit on your fingers are added to the frisbee upholstery.

The smoke detective yells at me but I didn’t do anything.

The frisbee upholstery is put inside hot furniture and rotated with a flat shovel until the big hand passes eleven tick marks on the clock.

A CD with a handle cuts the frisbee into triangles.

***

A slippery liquid––that doesn’t taste good when you lick it off your fingers––is poured into a robot’s hat and placed on hot furniture.

A sealed bowl is filled with eggs that were told to be born with my fingers so the shells can go away.

A dead, egg-making animal swims in the sealed bowl of eggs––an ironic fate.

The still-dead, egg-covered animal dries off in a sealed bowl of white sand.

The dry and wet dead animal swims in the robot’s hat until the big hand passes two numbers on the clock.

Batteries are taken out of the smoke detective so it stops yelling at me all the time.

The brown dead animal is removed with a robot’s leaky bowl.

***

A block of yellow that was rubbed against a robot’s acne, red sand that you shouldn’t touch your eyes after handling, white stuff, black sand that makes you sneeze, green tubes, yellow squares that’ll go right through you, a dead animal, and seven tin foil balls are all put in hot luggage until the small hand does a half circle around the clock.

The fire police break down my door waking me up from my nap.

A square car carries me to a white room where I’m treated for something called “smoke inhalation.”

Batteries are put back in the smoke detective so it never happens again and because they made me do it.

***

A lit cigar is held underneath the smoke detective to make sure the batteries were put in correctly.

The batteries are flipped around the other way.

The lit cigar is held underneath the smoke detective again.

***

An egg gets told to be born with my fingers so the shell can go away.

A mixture of dry and wet makes sticky mud.

The sticky mud is put in a robot’s hat and is put inside of hot furniture until the big hand passes thirty tick marks on the clock.

A toothpick is used to see if the sticky mud has turned into a crumbly brick.

Another combination of dry and wet is applied to the crumbly brick.

A sweet red paste is put in a bag and squeezed out of a hole so it can write “Thank You Engine Co. 55 For Saving My Life.”