The Backstory Cookbook: For Those Who Actually Prefer the Long Story About Why Food Is Essential Instead of Actual Recipes

Midnight Snack: 14 slices bread, preferably stale white, 1 cup Miracle Whip, 15 slices Oscar Mayer bologna, 8 slices American cheese - While the bread is toasting, go into a reverie about how you lost your one chance for love and now pass each day, each night alone, until one day everyone who would remember you is dead and you shuffle painfully on two scraping knee joints, your world reduced to one room where you will die alone, unloved, unnoticed.

Classy Alternatives for When Your Extra Virgin Olive Oil Isn’t Extra Enough

Cauliflower oil: Cauliflower can do anything! Use it to replace rice, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, or even pizza dough. Cauliflower oil is just as good for frying, and when you use it, you feel like Gwyneth Paltrow.

An Apology From the Food Network for Mistaking ”Beat Bobby Flay” as ”Eat Bobby Flay”

At the Food Network, we pride ourselves on producing shows that showcase and explore the rich culinary world and most importantly, educating and entertaining our viewers. However, “exploring the rich culinary world” does not include hunting down our own hosts. We truly cannot believe this happened a second time.

Plateboy Magazine

Coleslaw In The Raw, Open Wide for Open Faced Sandwiches, Grub Hubba Hubba! And more in this issue of Plateboy Magazine!

Grandma’s Quick & Easy Chocolate Chip Cookies and Entire Life

One Cup Sugar: In 356 BC, my Grandma, ever the socialite, found herself in the company of Alexander The Great – or as she called him, Alexander The Good Enough – and learned of this incredible new substance he had encountered during one of his campaigns: sugar. According to my Grandma, he told her it was the sweetest thing he’d ever found, to which she responded, “that’s because you hadn’t met me yet.”

How To Prepare Your Meal Kit Dinner in 25 Infuriating Steps: A Tutorial

Step Six: You just cut yourself. Take a minute to go grab a band-aid, and get back to hand-shelling your own peas, you wuss.

Worcestershire Sauce Gone Sour from Being Ignored

No, seriously! Everyone’s heard of me, but no one actually knows what I taste like or even how to spell my name! Close your eyes and try to picture it right now. Ha! Told you! No one can spell it!


Ballspice, MS-G String, Sinnamon, and more #SexySeasonings on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Chopped

Give the chef a hand. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

Everything On This Thanksgiving Table Is Made From Goldfish® Crackers

The turkey guys! You smell it? Smells, just like the real thing — and bet you’ll never be able to tell it’s made entirely out of Pretzel Goldfish®. But the secret’s in the sauce, folks — there’s nothing a Nutribullet can’t liquify. Six-packs of Disney Princess x Goldfish®, one pack of beer, and bits of Grandma Lottie’s heirloom china make the best, foolproof gravy.

A Layman’s Understanding of Food Recipes

A mixture of dry and wet is tossed around in white sand to make frisbee upholstery. A wet sauce is spread with a robot’s golf club onto the frisbee upholstery. A block of white that was rubbed against a robot’s acne, dead animal discs, leaves, a different dead animal, green tubes, and black rings that can’t fit on your fingers are added to the frisbee upholstery. 

PIC QUIP: Give Thanks

Give Thanks, because in an alternate timeline, we are gathering with our loved ones, and eating live pythons. Happy Thanksgiving from Weekly Humorist!

New Product Ideas From The Makers of  “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” Who Are Losing to The Clean Food Movement

“I Can’t Believe You Thought Coconut Oil Would Taste The Same As Butter” “Potato Chips Count As Paleo. Sure." And more.

Truly Terrible Tailgating Tips

It's been several months, and the treatments do seem to be working, but still, err on the side of caution by steering clear of any tailgates held on a full moon (werewolves only).

What Your Favorite Salad Dressing Says About You

Ranch Dressing: You miss living in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Light Ranch Dressing: You sometimes miss living in Tulsa, Oklahoma. and more!

Julia Child’s Hangover Cure Recipes 

By the time you piece together the hazy events of last night, you, my dear, will realize that you are in fact the tart in this simple French dish. To “flambé” your tarte, simply add a generous pour of any liqueur of your choice –bypassing the use of a blow torch or flame of any kind—and voila!

CARTOON: Delicious Magic

From Ordinary Into Extraordinary! Delicious Magic. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Guy Fieri Receives His Enneagram Results

IT’S TRUE, PEOPLE: Even the Mayor of Flavortown™ needs to…

Yes, We Used Production Assistant Meat as a Mystery Basket Ingredient on "Chopped"

Hello Chopped fans, concerned citizens, and law enforcement officers. …

Death Row Cuisine: Make Your Last Meal Count!

That big day is finally here. The last appeals have been filed,…