Adam Levine’s Tattoos’ Thoughts on the Super Bowl Halftime Show
CALIFORNIA: What’s up, Atlanta!!!
GIGANTIC BIRD-LIKE THING: Caw, caw.
TRUE LOVE HAND HOLDING A ROSE: This is really cool. I mean, how may tattoos get to say they performed during a Super Bowl halftime show? It’s an honor to be here, in both Atlanta and just under Adam’s left armpit.
EYE SURROUNDED BY WHAT APPEARS TO BE CAULIFLOWER: I see you Travis Scott. I can’t understand a word you’re saying, but I see you.
LION: Please let me attack that annoying motherfucker who won’t stop staring at me.
SHARK: Please let me attack that annoying motherfucker who won’t stop staring at that lion.
PORTRAIT: Why is there a lion and shark staring at me?
BUTTERFLY: People love to make fun of me. But hey, it could be worse. I could be that cherub. Talk about a winged asshole. Pretty sure I’m the reason Adam wrote “Sugar.”
CHERUB: If it weren’t for that pathetic butterfly, everyone would be making fun of me. Glad I’m not that winged asshole. Pretty sure I’m the reason Adam wrote “Sugar.”
UNRECOGNIZABLE SYMBOLS: Bro, I think I’m Russian for “Creed II.”
ARM TATTOOS: So yeah, we don’t really know what we are, or why we’re here, but we’re pretty fucking diesel. Do people still say diesel?
D.R.: I’ve decided to pursue my doctorate.
MERMAID WITH WINGS HOLDING A SKULL: How’s the show going, guys? I can’t see anything because I’m on the back.
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Josh Lorenzo is a part-time humor writer, featured in various places, such as McSweeney’s and the Washington Post. He writes a regular satirical column, Don’t Feed the Animals at Political Animal Magazine. You can reach him on Twitter at @theathrofsrcsm, where he has at least 11 followers.
