Are You Living Through Menopause Or The Climate Crisis?

You’re too hot all the time, except when you’re too cold.
You didn’t think it would begin when you were this young.
Not enough people are trying to find a solution for it.
Natural cycles that have been predictable for decades are changing drastically.
It’s causing you to lose sleep.
You thought you were prepared but you don’t have nearly enough portable fans or lightweight, loose-fitting clothing.
Your uncle doesn’t understand it.
The boob sweat is real.
It’s no longer a good time to try to get pregnant.
There is no moisturizer strong enough to counter its effects on your skin.
You now cry when you watch An Inconvenient Truth.
Denying it just makes it worse.
It’s happening much faster than you thought it would.
Air conditioning is only a temporary solution.
Former wetlands are rapidly drying up.
It’s making you really fucking pissed at pretty much everyone.
If your mother makes one more comment about how you’re overreacting to it you’re going to scream.
It is getting increasingly unpleasant to leave the house.
You are thinking about your own mortality.
You really want some ice cream.

Key

1–20: Both

Meg Reid is a satirist and humor writer. She is a contributor at The Onion, McSweeney’s and Reductress. You can also find her work in Points in Case, Slackjaw, The Belladonna , and End of the Bench, among other publications. You can find her rants and ramblings on Twitter, Instagram, and Medium.