Originals
Product Name Pitches For The New Team USA Women’s Olympic Uniform
Lady Liberty Labia Lance, Beaver Balance Beam, USA FUPA Finder, and more!
Entries by Meg Reid
Originals
Millennials Are Doing Fine Which is Why We Are Tweeting Cries For Help at Sesame Street Characters
So yeah, we are all doing really well. What is less indicative of trauma than collectively regressing to an almost childlike state to desperately seek solace in that which comforted us in our youth? As for me personally, I’ll be even better as soon as Bert and Ernie answer the 117 posts I’ve made since yesterday begging them to adopt me as an adult…
Best of 2023
Are You Living Through Menopause Or The Climate Crisis?
Denying it just makes it worse. It’s happening much faster than you thought it would. Air conditioning is only a temporary solution. And more!
Originals
Jesse Watters’ Unblemished Record of Heterosexuality
Age 16: Lost virginity to high school girlfriend Jane Doe, a real girl who went to my high school but has since changed her last name, her first name, and all distinguishing physical characteristics so no one can ever look her up.
News Briefs
Breaking: Women Across the US Overreact to Losing a Basic Human Right
But not everyone was reacting inappropriately. “Just because you lose one of the most fundamental human rights doesn’t mean you girls have to get your panties in a wad. It’s Friday, let’s just have a fun weekend!” a man, who will never face any of the life-and-death consequences of this ruling, calmly and reasonably reacted.
Best of 2022
The Boner Ban Bill, Because Life Begins at Erection
The clear solution is to simply replace contentious laws regulating uteruses with a sure to be less contentious national law that regulates reproductive organs that can’t get pregnant: penises. I can’t believe a Congress that is three-quarters men hasn’t considered this yet!
Originals
Relax Ladies – I’m Totally Ready to be an Unintended Dad
Don’t worry, I’m ready to largely decide how much, if at all, I participate in raising and financially supporting any children that may result from my actions. I am more than ready to be the “fun” parent and to do less than half of the parenting work, on average.
