Entries by Dan Wuori


originals

Classic Rock for Domesticated Dads

(Don’t Fear) The Swiffer  You Shook Me That One Time on Our Anniversary Sunday, Laundry Sunday Sleep, Child O’Mine   Baby, I Love Your Weight  Ironing Man  Take the Money and Run Out For Uncrustables and Feminine Hygiene Products Call Me Fabreeze  Subterranean Homesick Blue’s Clues You Can’t Always Watch What You Want

originals

Auditing A Juggalo

INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE Robert Evans, Senior Auditor 2001 Butterfield Rd. Downers Grove, IL 60515 630-983-3269 (office) 630-983-6423 (fax)   TAXPAYER INFORMATION: Mr. Skanky Pete P.O. Box 35619 Wauwatosa, WI 53007   Form: 1040 Tax Period(s): 2016 Response Deadline: May 10     NOTICE OF AUDIT AND EXAMINATION SCHEDULED (THIRD NOTICE)   Dear SKANKY PETE, Your federal tax return for the period […]

originals

Fareed Zakaria Declares the Moments Others Truly “Became the President”

“I think Donald Trump became president of the United States. I think this was actually a big moment” – CNN’s Fareed Zakaria on Trump’s decision to launch a missile strike on a Syrian air base. April 7, 2017   On George W. Bush, January 11, 2002   “What you saw here today was a truly […]

originals

Most Anticipated New Reality Shows

Extreme Vetting  Join America’s most extreme veterinarian, Dr. Jack Williams, as he pays house calls to the animal kingdom’s deadliest patients, including a saltwater crocodile with a life threatening arrhythmia and a rattlesnake with hemorrhoids. Animal Planet, Fridays 8/7c Bad Ombres Hair stylist to the stars, Ted Gibson, is on the hunt for America’s worst […]

originals

An Open Letter to Chad, the Bag Boy

Look Chad, we need to talk about your performance. But if you’ll hear me out, maybe we can come to an understanding. I’m talking about an arrangement that will benefit us both. You see, I get it. I know there’s literally nothing you wouldn’t rather be doing than spending your Sunday afternoon schlepping my Boar’s […]

originals

2017 Ethics: Punching a Nazi and Other Acceptable Acts

Punching a Nazi Putting an empty milk carton back into a fascist’s refrigerator Inviting a skinhead to an Amway party Tickling a Twitter troll Adding a bigot’s e-mail address to the Bed, Bath and Beyond mailing list Carjacking a climate change denier Taking a mansplainer to a Sarah McLachlan concert Subtweeting a big game hunter Revealing Westworld […]

originals

BuzzFeed for Dads

19 Nose Hair Trimmers Guaranteed To Spice Up Your Love Life. 27 Billy Joel Lyrics That Are Relatable AF. 14 Tweets That Only Those With An Adjustable Rate Mortgage Will Find Funny. Can We Guess Why Your Back Hurts Based On These 7 Sex Questions? People Can’t Handle How Much This Guy’s Lawn Is On […]