Originals
How My Trip Abroad Went, Translated
I couldn’t believe how fast the trip went = It was the longest two weeks of my life.
Entries by Julien Perez
Originals
Jerry Seinfeld Asks, “What’s The Deal With Masculinity?”
Men used to settle arguments with a duel to the death. They would pull out their pistols and see who could kill the other one first. Nowadays, the way men deal with conflict is by talking to each other. Have you seen this? They actually talk and listen and debate with one another. It’s obscene — go get a room!
Originals
Jack Skellington Opens The St. Patrick’s Day Town Door
There’s Guinness everywhere / What’s this? / There’s corned beef in the air. / What’s this? / I can’t believe my eyes, I must be dreaming / Wake up, Jack, this isn’t fair / What’s this?
Best of 2023
Despite Recent Events We Will Continue To Sell Our Ghostface Voice Modulator ™
Our financial success during such times do not make these moments any less painful. We’d also like to underscore our significant contributions to charitable organizations and similar tax-deductible philanthropy. To be clear — Murder Manifesto LLC stands united against violence and hatred. We will continue to reflect and pray to prevent such tragic events from occurring again.
Originals
It’s The Other Door, Stupid
Are your eyes broken? Did you not see the glaringly small sign pointing at the correct door? Surely you must be recovering from some sort of invasive eye surgery to miss a sign that obvious. I’m laughing at you, you fool.
Originals
Questions I Have For The House Judiciary Committee Chairman
Mr. Chairman, to your knowledge, have historians uncovered Mambo No. 1 through 4 yet? Mr. Chairman, do you agree with your colleagues that say Forrest Gump is “mid”? Mr. Chairman, do you happen to know the status of smell-o-vision? And more!
Best of 2023
Late Night TV Hosts React to The Crucifixion of Jesus Christ
The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon: “You guys hear about this? A man named Jesus was killed today for claiming to be the son of God. Yeah. Awful. When asked for comment, God pointed and said, ‘Look, a dinosaur!’ And ran away.”
Best of 2022
Twitter.com’s Exchanges & Returns
Before you publicly announce your intention to purchase this long standing social media site please be sure of the following: Log onto Twitter and ask yourself, “Do I want this?” I mean it. Open Twitter and actually say out loud, “Do I want to be the owner of this nightmare?”