Baseball’s State-of-the-Union

As the 89th annual Midsummer Classic is upon us, it’s that time again when baseball sizes up how to improve public perception and sales after the All-Star break, or really, the old-age question; “How do we draw more of today’s youth to the sport to fill more seats?”

This began back in pre-season when in the face of 150 years of tradition, Major League Baseball announced drastic rule changes to speed up the game. On trial first on the minor league level, they include a pitch clock and placing a runner on second base in every extra inning.

This is a great start but we have five foolproof ways to not only speed up the game:

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1) Quick question: When was baseball truly entertaining to kids? 1932. That’s when the crazy antics of Brooklyn Daffy Dodgers delighted all. On one occasion, three Dodger base runners wound up on third base at the same time proving everything IS funnier in threes. Lifting the rule of allowing multiple base runners on bases would add a whole new dimension to the sport: outright confusion.

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2) Another rule to lift that would be a sensation to the younger demographics: allow on-field texting. Let players live chat with fans in live time during play.

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3) The penalty for the new 15-second pitch rule is the batter gets issued a ball. We propose this be changed to where it hurts; their wallet. Impose a fine that increases every second a pitcher goes overtime.

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4) Called “The George Carlin Rule,” institute the comedian’s idea of batters being out if hit by a pitch. Speeds up play and adds the excitement one finds in dodgeball.

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5) We left the best for last. Before each game, a lucky spectator is selected to play in the game. Both teams have to insert someone from off the street to play nine innings. Attendance would soar on the prospect of getting into the big show.