Sarah Huckabee Sanders Briefs the Media: “The President clearly meant you need id to buy groceries”

Before we start, I just want to note how disappointed I am in many of you in this room who have mercilessly mocked the President for saying that people need I.D. to buy groceries. Your words have been very uncivil. Particularly considering there is a very simple explanation for his misstatement.

The President clearly meant you need id to buy groceries.

You know, id? As defined by Sigmund Freud. Does that name ring a bell for any of you? Probably not. Not a bunch of geniuses in here. He was a famous Austrian physician and founder of psychoanalysis!

A quick primer to try to bring you closer to the President’s intellectual level, which you will never reach, by the way. None of us will. His giant brain is why he won the Electoral College in such a landslide. I’m sure you are all familiar with the id in practice because it’s pretty much the only part of your personality any of you filthy animals regularly tap into. Anyway, id—pronounced like “it” with a “d” instead of a “t”—is the most basic part of the human mind that contains the basic, instinctual human drives. Like searching for food!

So, duh, obviously people have to have id to buy groceries. It’s simple psychology. Like ninth grade stuff, really.

Yes, the President did pronounce it “I.D.” as in I.D. cards which everyone must have in order to vote, but that’s just because he had never actually heard the word spoken. He learned about id by reading the complete works of Dr. Freud. He read them first as a young boy, but has returned to them regularly over the years. As he does with many of his favorite books!

But frankly, the most disappointing aspect of this whole media frenzy is that, once again, you have failed to report on the President’s brilliance and foresight. Has any President in history ever asked us as a society to consider whether people without fully-functioning ids—or I.D.’s if you rather—should be allowed to participate in our democracy? The answer is a resounding no.

And what we need to be asking—what you need to be asking—is why not?

These are the hard questions, the deep philosophical debates, that this President wants to have with and on behalf of the American people. And only when we arrive at satisfactory answers to these most intransigent problems will we be able to say with confidence that we have made America great again.