Better Ways to Lay Off Employees Than Locking Them Out of Their Email

Singing telegram to the tune of N*SYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye”

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Cake in the breakroom that says “Happy Layoffs!” in company-branded colors of frosting

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A witty but reassuring Hallmark card containing a gift card for a steak dinner at TGIFridays

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Tiny note via carrier pigeon

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Elaborate scroll inside the Cryptex from The Da Vinci Code

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Scavenger hunt that ends in the parking lot where a skywriter has written “au revoir” over the building

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The Telephone Game, starting with the CEO

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Sponsored ad during their favorite Spotify podcast

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Inception

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Snail mail, delivered by an actual snail

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In the illegible fine print of a release waiver they signed to tour a chocolate factory

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An “employment reveal” party with a smoke bomb: green for still making money, red for the where their bank account will be in 2 months

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Host a Severance watch party and hope they take the hint

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With a glass of champagne on a yacht that was paid for by massive executive bonuses, half of which could have been easily reoriented to cover these employees’ salaries

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In person, directly