Better Ways to Lay Off Employees Than Locking Them Out of Their Email

Singing telegram to the tune of N*SYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye”

Cake in the breakroom that says “Happy Layoffs!” in company-branded colors of frosting

A witty but reassuring Hallmark card containing a gift card for a steak dinner at TGIFridays

Tiny note via carrier pigeon

Elaborate scroll inside the Cryptex from The Da Vinci Code

Scavenger hunt that ends in the parking lot where a skywriter has written “au revoir” over the building

The Telephone Game, starting with the CEO

Sponsored ad during their favorite Spotify podcast


Snail mail, delivered by an actual snail

In the illegible fine print of a release waiver they signed to tour a chocolate factory

An “employment reveal” party with a smoke bomb: green for still making money, red for the where their bank account will be in 2 months

Host a Severance watch party and hope they take the hint

With a glass of champagne on a yacht that was paid for by massive executive bonuses, half of which could have been easily reoriented to cover these employees’ salaries

In person, directly