Bring Back the Real Heroes of the Pandemic, Our Dentists- A New Susan Collins Ad for Senate 2020

During the May 12, 2020 senate hearings on coronavirus, Senator Susan Collins of Maine advocated for the dental industry to return to work. 

---

These are troubling times for my home state of Maine and our nation. More than 80,000 Americans have perished from this terrible virus, and we are continuing to lose close to 3,000 people each day. But there’s another pandemic lurking: the plague (aka plaque) in our nation’s mouths. And needless to say, I’m deeply troubled by the state of America’s teeth.

Let’s get our dentists back to work, so they can put their faces inches away from ours and their fingers inside our mouths to remove tartar, take X-rays, apply veneers, and provide Fluoride treatments. These brave souls don’t just fill our dental cavities, they fill the cavities of our lives. After each visit, they gift us free toothbrushes, tiny dental floss dispensers and miniature toothpastes we throw in the bathroom drawer. In short, reopening Maine’s 462 general dental offices should be our number one priority in these unprecedented times.

I’m deeply troubled. Under lockdown, these unsung oral heroes aren’t being given the opportunity to protect the united state of our teeth. Breath that is barely foul will become rancid. Cavities that could be filled are going to need root canals; teeth that require root canals will need extractions. Soon my constituents will be without teeth. This is very troubling. I mean, can you imagine the 1.3 million residents of Maine toothless? The state would be forced to allocate one of its greatest resources–Honeycrisp apples–solely to make applesauce for all of its citizens.

It is also my hope that President Trump would use the Defense Production Act to turn our PPE factories into mandatory emergency denture-making plants. And if we can’t manufacture dentures, I will require all citizens to wear masks, and not just the half on half off thing I did during the Senate hearing as I pretended to reach across the pandemic aisle.

These are challenging times, and Maine–by the skin of its teeth–will not fall apart. In my view, dentists are the Poligrip we need to hold our state together. And we thank them.

Every night, at 7 p.m. I stand on my porch and chatter my teeth loudly in honor of all the brave dental professionals staying home. No one can hear me over the neighbors clapping for the “essential” workers but rest assured I will fight the good dentite fight for you.

I applaud myself for arguing in 2009 to cut $870 million in pandemic funding, because it didn’t include invisalign, teeth whitening or even gingivitis care. With me as senator, the pearly whites of my constituents will not yellow. And I guarantee, I will proudly let you die before allowing your teeth to rot.

I’m Susan Collins, and I approve this message.