Results are in. Today's cartoon by Jason Chatfield and Scott Dooley.

Mouse Pad (if unavailable, back issue of Entertainment Weekly from the bathroom will do). Beer Koozie (for the days when Dad is helping out). Pencil Box, with extra compartment used to hold Mommy's Xanax. And more!

Watch the straps! Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

SEINFELD: Jerry’s date becomes infuriated when he won’t let her get within six feet of him. George starts a protest movement to get a haircut. Elaine argues with a security guard after not maintaining proper social distance in line to buy toilet paper. Kramer sets out to prove the coronavirus is man-made by eating only genetically-modified foods.

Want that TP beary much. Today's cartoon by John Anglin.

Just got to make it through another week. Today's cartoon by Grayson Gibbs.

Sorry to hear of your brother's passing. Why didn't he ask for hydroxychloroquine?

“Amelia!!” she cried. “What have you done?! Why is the window broken???” “Because of the pandemic!” said Amelia. “I had to get those things out of here as quickly as possible!” “Amelia!” cried Mrs. Rogers. “The pandemic doesn’t have anything to do with pans!”  “Oh, rats,” said Amelia. “Well at least now we’ll get some fresh air!” “The air is full of germs, Amelia!!

Zip-Zap-Zoom: It’s like Zip-Zap-Zop, but nobody knows who you just passed the energy to because you’re on a Zoom call. 

Think of the hundreds of hours of tearful confessional booth footage that will never be captured, never even make it to the editing room. I’m telling you, this will be our national treasure left buried. Our ark of the covenant. Our holy grail.

Your first kiss!! Which type of face-masks are best? ... Page 34/ Win a Zoom chat video lunch date with Nick Jonas!! .... Page 38/ No need to social distance yourself from these hot shirtless hunk wall posters !!

The Great Gatsby Regrets Having That Party Because Now He Has to Disinfect His Whole Damn House

Yesterday morning, you baked a loaf of chocolate chip banana bread.  This morning, there was no chocolate chip banana bread left.  Why? (A: You ate the entire loaf last night in six minutes while ugly-crying about the future of humanity.)

Also comes as a miracle elixir! Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

You should have seen the cheery tree. It was so mean to me. Today's cartoon by Lance Hansen.

Attempt to beat the world record for juggling. And more.

WHAT AM I, A DOCTOR—OR A MOON SHUTTLE CONDUCTOR?!

Do you come here to panic buy often?

Spare a square? Today's cartoon by Jefferson Deng.

Sit, stay, wash your hands. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Kitchen table feeling smaller and smaller? Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

I’m also sorry I mocked you for your food hoards – I’m sorry, I’m sorry, supply stores. I bet *you’re* not out of toilet paper, right? Ha, ha. I know I made fun of the fact that you’d cached so many Slim Jims, but a lot of what you had down there was of solid nutritional value. 

Don't corn my beef. Today's cartoon by Pat Byrnes.

Has a point. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.