Budget Cut Reading List
Trump’s budget cuts will no doubt have a negative effect on this country’s juvenile detention centers, which means that the quality of the literature donated to these facilities may suffer quite a bit as well.
As proof, here’s this year’s approved list of assigned reading materials from current state-run juvenile detention centers:
Teabagging Gwynn by Judy Blume
Everyone Poops When They’ve Hung Themselves In The Common Room by Taro Gome
I Fed Ned! A True Life Account By Someone Who Rang Up His Order at Burger King Once by Darlene Toofs
Mommy, Why Does That Man Smell Like Tinkle? A Choose Your Own Adventure Story by Futuristic Cyborg Scott Baio
Was It Something I Said? Jokes & Limericks That You Shouldn’t Read Backwards by the Devil
Applesauce Enemas! And Other Fun Post Glue-Sniffing Activities by Orlando Scrotuminski Sr.
The Birds & The Cosby’s: Including Celebrity Deviants And Predators In That Special Talk by Dr. Phil’s Ice World Dimension Doppelganger
Second Banana To Gilbert Grape: My Leo Story by the fat lady from Gilbert Grape
Lil’ Red Riding In The Hood, And Other Urban Updates From MotherFuckin’ Goose by Tim Allen’s Dental Hygienist
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
