Cutting Edge Gardening Tips
Fire-ant mounds do admittedly appear similar to chocolate lava cake, but do not eat them. Try, at least.
Save on your water bill by hiring a few homeless people spit on your garden.
Gardening in a full suit of armor may seem like a bad idea, but… actually, that is a bad idea. Yeah, don’t do that.
Don’t attempt to keep bugs out of your mouth by spraying bug spray onto your tongue. Just keep your mouth closed.
Tomato plants can make your skin itchy, so wear gloves. Also, tomatoes are gross, so just don’t plant any.
Be sure to wear a gardening hat. When neighborhood kids make rude comments, use a large squash to make a series of obscene gestures.
Test the fertility of your soil by burying several fertility tests, available at your nearby Planned Parenthood location. (For Now)
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
