Daniel Tiger Loses A Presidential Election

INT. DANIEL TIGER’S HOUSE

 

DANIEL: Hi neighbor! Come on in. I’m running for president and I can’t wait to find out the election results. Prince Wednesday is here to celebrate with me when I win by a landslide. It’ll be grrrr-iffic!

 

PRINCE WEDNESDAY: I don’t really understand democracy but ok!

 

There’s a knock at the door. Enter Katerina Kitty.

 

KATERINA: Did you hear the news? You lost Pennsylvania meow meow. It’s over, Daniel.

 

DANIEL: What do you mean?

 

KATERINA: You lost the election. You’re not going to be president.

 

Daniel crosses his arms and pouts. 

 

DANIEL: Why not? That makes me SO MAD.

 

Mom Tiger enters. 

 

MOM TIGER: What’s going on? Daniel, why are you upset?

 

DANIEL: Katerina said I lost the election and I’m so angry! Roar!

 

MOM TIGER: It’s ok to be mad. But let’s calm down so we can find a way to feel better. It’s like I always tell you, (sings) When you can’t get what you want, stomp three times to help yourself feel better.

 

Daniel and Prince Wednesday stomp three times. 

 

DANIEL: That does feel better.

 

MOM TIGER: And now that you’re feeling better, you can think of a good way to deal with your feelings.

 

She exits. Daniel turns to his friends.

 

DANIEL: I’m gonna stage a coup.

 

KATERINA: Wait what.

 

DANIEL (addressing the audience): Will you help me?

 

KATERINA: Daniel I feel like you really missed the message here.

 

DANIEL: I refuse to concede! Prince Wednesday, I need you to hold a press conference to announce that all of the votes were illegal and I’m president. Book a venue, get me the Doubletree.

 

PRINCE WEDNESDAY: You got it, DT.

 

DANIEL: Tiger-tastic!

 

KATERINA: I don’t know if this is a good idea meow meow. Maybe talk to a grownup about this? Maybe get Grandpere on the phone or something? Do you really want to challenge the very process that makes this country a democracy?

 

Daniel stomps his feet again.

 

DANIEL: But I want to be president!

 

Mom Tiger enters.

 

MOM TIGER: Are you still crying about this? (sings) When you feel so mad don’t stage a coup, take a deep breath and count to two.

 

Daniel takes two deep breaths and Mom Tiger leaves again without any follow up, as if Daniel Tiger has ever given her any reason to believe he’s not going to continue whining about this. 

 

DANIEL (addressing the audience): I’m going to sue the United States of America for voter fraud. Do you know what it means to sue someone?

 

Prince Wednesday enters. 

 

DANIEL: Oh good, you’re back. Did you book the hotel?

 

PRINCE WEDNESDAY: The hotel?

 

DANIEL: The Doubletree? The Doubletree by Hilton?

 

PRINCE WEDNESDAY: Uh oh…  I thought you meant the two trees in the woods between the swamp and the pile of squirrel carcasses.

 

DANIEL: Whatever. We’ll take Trolley. Alert the media.

 

KATERINA: I can’t let you do this. This is blatant fascism.

 

DANIEL: Katerina you are making me SO MAD.

 

Daniel throws himself on the floor, kicking and screaming.

 

DANIEL: IF YOU DON’T LET ME BE PRESIDENT, I WILL PEE MY PANTS.

 

Mom Tiger enters.

 

MOM TIGER: Daniel, no! (sings) If you have to go potty, stop and go right away!

 

Daniel pees on the potty, making sure to flush and wash his hands. 

 

MOM TIGER: Jesus Christ, Daniel. You’re acting like a child.

 

DANIEL: I’m four years old.

 

MOM TIGER: Good point. But If you were any older than four this would be totally embarrassing for you. If you were a grown man acting like this, it would be downright humiliating.

 

DANIEL (addressing the audience): Thanks for helping me when I got mad today. Next time I lose an election, I’ll take a deep breath and accept the results instead of trying to metaphorically set the world on fire. Ugga mugga!