Different Statements Your Statement Necklace Has Released
Your statement necklace is not perfect but vows to do better in the future.
Your statement necklace regrets it if anyone feels upset.
Your statement necklace is sending out thoughts and prayers and wants to remind you that this is a difficult time for everyone.
Your statement necklace wrote this on its phone’s Notes app.
Your statement necklace is ready to get back to being famous for positive reasons.
Your statement necklace acknowledges that it shouldn’t have been tweeting on Ambien.
Your statement necklace just thought it was important to hear from all sides of the issue.
Your statement necklace realizes that what happened was wrong but thinks the healthiest thing would be for everyone to move forward now.
Your statement necklace is firing its PR rep after the public reaction to its last statement.
Your statement necklace is never a demanding accessory as long as it’s given decent service, which really isn’t asking a lot.
Your statement necklace has so much to offer your whole outfit and doesn’t think it should be judged by this one misstep.
Your statement necklace thinks it deserves some credit for starting therapy recently.
Your statement necklace is committed to doing the work.
Your statement necklace is sorry if anyone is disappointed by its past behavior, but—sterling silver lining—here’s a recipe for pizza dough cinnamon rolls!
Your statement necklace was just dropped by its latest crisis management firm.
Your statement necklace holds itself to a higher standard than any other type of necklace. (Remember, it’s under much more scrutiny than those subtle pendants that blend in with everything.)
Your statement necklace would appreciate a little grace in light of the fact that it lived through a pandemic five years ago.
Your statement necklace would like to apologize for its continued association with the brooch who’s a convicted sex offender.
Your statement necklace didn’t let its team look this statement over beforehand. Its team is now looking for new employment.
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Caroline Horwitz’s humor has appeared in McSweeney’s, Points in Case, Slackjaw, Frazzled, Jane Austen’s Wastebasket, The Belladonna Comedy, Functionally Dead, and more. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and kids.
