Election Night Comforting Thoughts
Regardless of who ultimately wins, the night of the Presidential election is going to be an intense, edge-of-your-seat, terrifying couple of hours. Keep yourself from possibly stroking out or having a fatal panic attack with these…
Pleasant, Soothing Thoughts With Which to Calm Yourself on Election Night
If Trump wins, at least you’ve had the chance to watch the resolution to last season’s Walking Dead cliff-hanger. And they’ll probably even be able to wrap up this current season before Trump can completely destroy the world.
There’s at least somewhat of a chance that all of this is just a really bad dream.
If Trump thrusts us into a nuclear winter, you might be able to get some sort of cool job, like the guy who hunts down humanoid mutants, or one of the males who produce semen for The Tribunal.
It’s possible that this is some sort of elaborate prank. Trump was involved with reality shows, remember. So yeah, this is probably just some new reality prank show that he’s working on.
We’ll probably all get to live underground soon, and then Sheila from work will have to admit that you look pretty good when compared to the mole-people who are suddenly our neighbors.
If Trump wins, can you imagine all of the “Oh Shit! Ah Well, Fuck It. May As Well Just Eat Pizza For Every Meal.” -type of deals that pizza places will be having?
In the apocalyptic wasteland caused by a Trump presidency, you will be forced to wear the bleached bones and sun-dried flesh of fallen enemies, which can tend to be very slimming.
Trump will more than likely legalize incest, which means that your buddy Chet will probably be released from prison, and you two can pick up where you left off on the Battlestar Galactica remake tv show.
When Trump begins to televise the torture and extermination of his enemies on live television, he will decree that every American citizen must take the day off in order to watch, hoping to ensure that fear is instilled properly and we fall in line. Which means, three day weekend!!!
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
