Elon Musk’s Proposed Fee Schedule for X (formerly Twitter)
Elon Musk, the world’s richest rich person, in his attempts to stop the cash hemorrhage that is the site formerly known as Twitter, is once again floating a plan to institute fees for all tweeters, er, I mean, X-ers (???) to pay to use the site. Sure, it’s easy to dismiss the ideal flat out without seeing what the fees will look like. So, here’s what the fees will look like so you can dismiss them.
Per Post– .001
Per Re-post- .002
Per Musk Re-Post– free
Semantic Posts– 1.00 (because, you know they can afford it)
Anti-Semantic Posts– .00001
Astute observation fee– 1.00
Rambling psychotic take fee– .01
Reposting someone else’s post as your own– .00002
Posting meme fee– .25
Stealing memes fee– 5.00
Bot detection fee– 1.00 per day
Bots usage fee- .0001 one-time fee
Free speech fee– 100.00
Parody fee– ditto
Low usage fee– 1.00 per day
Account delete fee (the Flee Fee) – 100.00
Block Elon fee– You can’t afford it
Plus two (2) drink minimum & cover charge.
Fees payable with credit or debit cards, PayPal, or blood diamonds.
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I’m a writer and live in New York City. Downtown New York. Very downtown New York. Okay, I live in Staten Island. Armed with only my wits and a keyboard, I’ve written for Cracked Magazine, The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers, Prairie Home Companion, Mad, TMI: Hollywood, and other stuff.
