Stephen King’s Past Birthday Wishes

I wish to let go of some story ideas… like the succubus colonoscopy.

An Oscar category for movies released 38 years ago. Maximum Overdrive wins.

A pair of those pants that look like jeans but feel like sweatpants

A single breakfast with Dean Koontz where he doesn’t ask me about what I’m working on and then furiously writes in his notebook

Updated bivalent Covid booster


The blinking cursor is now a blinking thumbs-up.

Tabby finds the casually open catologue page and buys the Maine-shaped cutting board from Uncommon Goods .

New Book Off Writing deep dishing about my various hobbies like tuning my Ferrinton acoustic guitar and loving the song Mambo #5. (True story)

I wish to get around to learning Word keyboard shortcuts.

I wish to make an updated Lawnmower Man movie that’s closer to the short story. Adam Driver eats the grass!

I wish to ironically use the phrase “Woke Mind Virus” in one of my books.

Samsung S90C OLED TV,  Samsung HW-Q990C Soundbar, Sony UBP-X700/M Streaming 4K Ultra HD Blu-ray player with HDMI cable.

I wish for Stephen King night at Fenway Park. Everyone screams during the seventh-inning stretch.

Execs take my pitch seriously for a real-life Running Man TV show.

A jet Ski. Wait, no…a possessed jet ski.

Success for indie bookstores.

I wish I could go back and put a new chapter in The Langoliers about going through TSA and how horrifying it is to remove your belt and have your pants slip off.

I wish that A24 would admit that all their horror movies are just “art house King”. I also wish that they would ask me to direct a new version of Maximum Overdrive that no one will make fun of. I decline at first. I hated making the first one. They ask Ari Aster. He calls me for my blessing. I don’t give it to him but instead, I say, “Eh, maybe I will direct it, and this time I won’t be coked up and drinking all day.” I direct the version I always had in my head with Bruce Springsteen as the star. (ALL TRUE)

A Burger King crown.

Finish my light rom-com about a small-town vet finding love with a local innkeeper. Fight the urge to make the innkeeper a sin-eating demon.

I wish for the courage to wake up and write another page.